Silent Voice by Makoto Shinkai

It's been a while since I've watched this film (about 2 or 3 weeks prior in writing this), perhaps not that long but after daily binge watching anime and films, I feel like that's already a long time. For that, I will probably be writing another post about this, after I've watch the film for the second time.

The film is amazing.

It's about redeeming yourself, that whatever wrong you've done there is a certain karma that will follow through. BUT there's a catch, upon having the world forgive you, a certain lingering regret will stay. That is if you could forgive yourself.

The punishment the male protagonist got was getting himself bullied later on. But he redeemed himself by changing himself and by being there with the female protagonist. You could say both figuratively and literally Ishida Shoyo saved Shoko Nishimiya. She gave her lost childhood back while at the same time gave her a voice, not magically but like to be able to interact and be with others. As the redemption of Ishida, it seems that sudden reunion with her in the sign language school had been enough for her to forgive her. Plus, they became friends.

He did learned sign language for him to be able to understand and apologize to her. Besides, he also wanted to be friends with her, it's just that he was too innocent or rather ignorant to let out his feelings for her. More like, Ishida was really childish and immature when both of them were still classmates.

And after their reunion, Ishida did all he could just so he could make Shoko happy. Reuniting her with her lost friend, going out with a lot of their peers and a lot more.

It's just sad that Ishida was still growing mature that it was too late for him to notice what was bothering Shoko even though she puts up a smile. Shoko lied.

But even so, with an unexpected event, he still managed to save Shoko. But it was Ishida who fell.

He saved the princess, but died in the end. Or something like that.

Question is, was the Firefly King in any of this scene?

-----

"Firefly Dimension," the Firefly King whispered. Time stopped as the two friends, the redeemed and the mute held hands on the edge of the terrace railings. They could both die, one of them die, or both of them live. But the way it seemed, that last part is uncertain. Only certain though, the redeemed is saved.

"Tell me, Shoya," the Firefly King let Ishida speak. "Why do you want to save her?"

Shocked would have been the proper response but heeding only to his desire to save Shoko, he answered struggling.

"I want to save her," Ishida replied. "I've done many worse things for her. Hurt her, made her cry, made her lose her friends... to this point, of wanting to die. All of this was because of me. I did all of this. It's my fault. All of it is my fault. I... I.. I'm stupid. I just wanted to be friends with her. And now, now that we're finally friends, I didn't realize that she's still carrying that burden in her heart. I... I just wish she would forgive me. I know I haven't apologize as much. But I just wish she'd forgive me."

"Isn't this some sort of misplaced kindness you've once told a friend of yours?" the Firefly King said.

"I... I..I don't know," Ishida answered still trying to pull Shoko up.

"You just want to be forgiven that's it, right? After that, what? You know, all your kindness to her was just a means to make you feel good, am I right? Forgiveness whatever. You just feel bad for her, right? And if you became kind to her and once people realize you've been good to her, then what? You'd stop being friends with her, am I right?"

"No!"

"Then why?"

"I want to be friends with her," Ishida replied. "I'm childish back then, I didn't know. I... I guess, I saw myself in her or something like that. I just wanted to become friends with her and... I don't know, me not understand what she wants to say made me frustrated. I don't know. It made me stupid. It made me foolish. That my frustrations and stupidity had her suffer. I.. I want to be friends with her. It was... I was just too late to realize... too late to understand that she wanted to be friends with me all along. I just wanted to talk to her... but I couldn't... she couldn't. She... she was trying her best. Only too late did I realize all of that... I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I'm stupid.. I'm stupid... I'm stupid..."

Ishida tightens grip on both her hand and on the railing. His footing he could sense, though frozen in time, is losing balance. They are both going to fall.

"I'm sorry, Nishimiya. I... I... I didn't know. I'm sorry," Ishida stuggled on as tears gradually formed on his eyes. "I didn't know I was causing all of this to you. I'm sorry."

"Did you hear all of that?" the Firefly King asked.

"Yes," Shoko spoke in her voice she is both unfamiliar and familiar with. "My voice? I can speak?"

"What? How?" Ishida said.

"I'm sorry, Shoya. I'm... I'm just confused... I... If I go away, things... everything... everyone would be happy, right?" Shoko said.

"What? No! No! It's my fault things turned this way. I should have known better," Ishida said. "I'm stupid... I'm stupid for doing all of that to you."

"Please let go, Shoya. This is for the better," Shoko said. "I.."

"No! Please! Don't be stupid," Ishida said. "I still have a lot more to say to you. I still want to hear your voice. I want to talk to you. We are friends, right? So please! Please!"

"I forgive you, Shoya," Shoko said. "So please, let me go."

"I won't. Now, that I can understand, that I can hear, that I can talk to you. Now that we are friends! I won't. I won't let go. We are friends, right?"

"But... but..."

"Please, Nishimiya," Ishida said. "I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose anymore friends. So please... please don't go."

"If I'm gone..."

"Don't say that!"

"I've already forgiven you, Shoya. What more?"

"I don't care! I want you to live. Be happy. I've taken a lot from you. So please... stay with me," Shoya said trying to move his body without realizing he couldn't.

The Firefly King sighed.

"Nishimiya, you've still got to tell him about the 'moon (tsuki)," the Firefly King said. "As for you Shoya, you've been forgiven but it seems you haven't forgave yourself. When you wake up go back the the bridge of the carp. Lift your head up. Forgive yourself. She will be there."

And with that the Firefly King caste White Wash and broke his Firefly Dimension. Perhaps it was him, the Firefly King who asked for Ishida's friend to go to the river to save him or was it the Firefly King who asked for the camera. Either way, he just witness not just a romance in spring but also of a man, redeemed and saved.