Poetry #184

There was pain in her eyes

and I could see it.

There was pain in her voice

and I could hear it.

There was pain in her actions

and I could notice it.

She was in pain and I

Could not save her.

She does not know.

She was not aware.

A Firefly's Monologue #24

"And there are those that are never born heroes. They live their lives continuosly dreaming and fearful of going beyond."

"How does one became a hero?"

"They just need a little push."

"And if they don't?"

"They'll continue on dreaming until they eventually become one."

"What if they never?"

"They will be to some but not to everyone."

"Are they the ones you'd mentioned as the misunderstood?"

"They can be."

"Do they know that they are heroes?"

"Eventually they will realize."

"If they don't?"

The firefly smiled.

"Those who knew they are heroes are on their path of becoming one. While those who don't, already are."

Poetry #183

At the full bloom

of the sunset rised

our conversation.

She talked about love

And I told her my rejection.

I was in love with her and

She was in love

with someone better.

The moon smiled.

The sky knew 

I was mistaken.

And I accept.

A Firefly's Monologue #23

"If everything is already predetermined, why do we cry?"

"There are ghosts that we cannot lie about. No matter how far we've reach or how wise we've grown there are things we cannot help but be honest. Even when the sky feels itself filled, the sky will not hold back tears."

"What are these ghost you speak of?"

"They are whom our lies are meaningless. They see the truth and they fill the rest of our hearts with dreams both impossible and possibility."

"Is it the same to those who see strings?"

"If the string is connected to ones heart, it matters not whether one see strings or not."

"Do you cry as well?"

"Those capable of tears are too capable to smile."

The firefly smiled.

Poetry #182

Even when the whole world

goes against you,

I will stay by your side.

You do not need to say a word

I will come barging in,

I will save you.

Just like you coming in to my life,

You never asked,

You weren't gentle, in fact,

you forced your way to me.

You barged into my heart,

no knock nor signs,

You saved me.

And at my lowest,

when I thought the whole

world were against me,

You stayed by my side.

So I will do the same.

Poetry #181

Demons are angels

who fell in love

so much that

they'd be willing

to go to hell

strip off their wings,

grow horns and

rebel.

And there exists

angels, for they

are loved.

A Firefly's Monologue #22

"There were times too when the hero could do nothing. He knows as well everyone knows. Do you know what the hero should do instead?"

"He just have to try harder, right? He's a hero after all, right? He may not be the main character of a grand story, but he's a hero. There's something he could do. Anything. He just have to try harder. Right?"

"If there's nothing he could do, he must accept it. It may sound cowardly but it is not."

"How could he even call himself a hero if just accept it as that?"

"If the hero sees the strings like, he knows and he accepts it. But if he does not, he needs a just a little push."

"You imply that there is more for the hero after."

"Life goes on, for the hero. For better or worse."

"Will he have regrets?"

"The hero gets hurt too. He isn't invincible. He knows that. The hero accepts it."

A Firefly's Monologue #21

"But then there are times the hero have to be harsh. Much like the world is cruel to them. The hero had to be, at times, be strict to those he cherish."

"Have he grown tired of heroism? Can he grow tired of being a hero?"

"It was his way of growing up as a hero."

"And so the hero's unbending will will just suddenly collapse? What of the hard work and plentiful progressed he had made? He may be hated by everyone if he does so."

"He must, at certain point, of his life be able to save himself. If the need arise."

"They will hate him if he does. He would appear selfish coward if he does so."

"He is not a slave. He does things he want. They called him a hero. He obliged. But he too must save himself."

"In face of adversary and misfortune, they would gravely need him."

"That is why he is misunderstood. He is not just a hero. He is not their slave. He is himself."

"What would he hero do for him to be understood? If he explain himself, they will just misundstand him more. If he walks away or does nothing, they will call him a villain."

"Save himself. That is what the hero must do when time comes it happen."

A Firefly's Monologue #20

"There were two things he just couldn't bear. A person crying and a friend in need."

"Is that why he chose to be a hero?"

"That is why he can be a hero. He never chose to be one. But it was if the universe was moving towards heroism."

"But why was he hated?"

"It was a burden he had to take. He had no choice to begin with."

"He could have walked away. Forget about everything else and not be hated."

"But he couldn't be a hero if he didn't."

"Did he want to be one?"

"He wanted to. But he knew what he couldn't do. Still, he did so anyway, and become."

"His path to heroism is complex."

"He is easily misunderstood."

"What about everyone's enmity?"

"Should a hero be bothered by it?"

A Firefly's Monologue #19

"There are heroes who save lives of people they do not know. They just tell themselves they want to be heroes. They do not need gratitude or anything. They just want to be heroes.

"If you think about it, is it not selfish? Acting all heroic and brave when in fact they're just satisfying themselves. Can we still call them heroes if it's just that?"

"Whatever their intents maybe, if they do heroic acts, it's just proper to call them heroes."

"What about the misunderstood and the unrecognized?"

"Misunderstood and unrecognized?"

"The unsung heroes. The one complete ignored and forgotten. The ones hated by everyone. They are out of place and yet it's for something they believe in.

"They do not care whether they get unnoticed, whether the people hate them, whether they get hurt and receive no sympathy.

"Are they heroes?"

"They are heroes too."

"They are in love but are unrequited."

"If the people could only understand them. They would be recognized."

"Yet they remain heroes."

A Firefly's Monologue #18

"Of course, there is no reason loving someone who doesn't love you, right?"

"There is growth. Like a seed in our heart, the water overflows in our eyes. And when we could finally smile again, the seed we sow bears fruit beautifully.

"And if you still cannot. Be patient and take care of yourself."

"It's not that easy."

"It isn't. If it is, it wouldn't be called growth."

"Would you still love even if it's unrequited?"

A Firefly's Monologue #17

"If you could give each and everyone a happy ending. Would you finally settle?"

"If only that were possible, I would. But they won't have the same ending. They won't grow as they should. They won't be who they should be. If you think about it, it is evil. It is a necessary evil to say goodbye to things you dearly cherish and grow.

"It would hurt. I know it would hurt. But it is necessary. It may sound unfair but it must be."

"And those that are left behind?"

"They will be strong. They should and must."

"What if they can't?"

"Life goes on, either way."

"You're hurting too, right?"

"Life goes on for me too."

A Firefly's Monologue #16

"I don't know who they are but there words, their trivial meaningless words. I feel them. Their: ' i love you, ' ' thank you, ' ' i'm sorry, ' and ' goodbye. ' It all felt different. Why?"

"Does it hurt from somewhere? Do you something welling in your eyes? It just means you have just realized you have a heart.

"See? It's sliding down your cheeks now."

"How?"

"These words you've heard, or just moments you've witnessed, it matters not whether you know what happened or what is happening. You have a heart, that is all that matters. And the universe is tugging at it, pulling you closer to things you are unaware of. Tying to others, connecting to other souls.

"You may only see one side or two of things but it doesn't matter. The universe recognizes you have a heart."

"It hurts and I don't know where. Will I always  be like this?"

"When you want to cry, cry. When you want to laugh, laugh. Smile if you want to. If it hurts, let it. There will be more instances you will relive these certain moments. Acknowledge that you have a heart and the universe notices."

Poetry #180

I didn't hear you.

I didn't have to.

When you need me,

I'll be there.

It would be too late

once you've said

'Save me.'

Because I'm already there.

A Firefly's Monologue #15

"And when he woke up he couldn't remember. But the woman hugged him anyway."

"Why? He shouldn't not have forgotten, right? And that was the most important thing he could have done for her, right?"

"He couldn't remember anything. Not even her name. And yet the woman embraced him tightly."

"Didn't it hurt her at all that he have forgotten about her?"

"It did. But she was happy."

"Why?"

"He kept his promise. And he came back."

"Will he remember her again?"

"Does it matter?"

"Is he still the same?"

The firefly smiled.

"He is bound by the promise he kept for her," the firefly replied.

A Firefly's Monologue #14

"He does not know but he is loved. By those who understand him, by those who've been with him, by those who are still with him, by those who fully knew him well and especially by those who truly cared for him.

"He does not know he is loved."

"Why?"

"His heart was broken."

"By whom?"

"By his own innocence."

"So he grew up?"

"He is still in love. And it kept him in solitude, away from the love he must see."

A Firefly's Monologue #13

"There was once a story of a boy who is so in love with a girl. He was shy and young and so he could only do to express his feeling were into writing love letters."

"You mean he wrote a love letter to this girl?"

"No, he wrote many love letters to her. Routinely everyday and many times a day if possible. And all she did was burn the letters he gave her."

"So she doesn't want him?"

"She does."

"But why burn the letters?"

"The boy knew and he cared for her even more."

"Does the girl love him?"

"Yes. But the boy never asked for her answer."

"Why?"

"He wanted to keep writing for her."

"Even though she just burned each letters every time?"

"He loves her."

"Why doesn't she just tell him?"

"Other than the boy, she also loved the letters he gives her."

"But she just burn them anyway."

"And that is why he will keep writing love letters for her. Until he could do more for her, he will continue writing."

"She's just using him."

"Love is give and take. There is something the boy gains in return. He improves his writing."

"So he's just using her?"

"Love is give and take."

"But why burn the letters instead of keeping them?"

"The boy knew and he could just write more. Should it matter whatever happens to the letters?"

Notes in my Phone

"I will free you all, one day. I will break the chains you hold so dear yet wanted to get out from. I will tear down the cage holding you all back.

"One day, I will become the devil that will save all of you. One that will free you of all your sorrows and despair. I will take it all with me until you finally exorcise me from the world with all your sin.

"Are you not aware of it? It will be a devil that will redeem all of your sins. A devil will burn for all of you. And what would you do in return? A sign of torture and resentment."

~ September 19, 2020

"If it isn't love, it's just loneliness, right?"

"No, you're only human. That's why."

"And what of the frog at the bottom of the well? A big fish on a small pond? The devil at the lowest part of hell? Or God who judges us every single move?"

"They're not human."

"I want to understand them. They're not simply idioms. They're not just beings apart from humanity. Assuming they truly exists, don't you think it gets lonely for them as well? Don't you think they have no right to love?"

"They're not human."

~ October 1, 2020

One day, I will become the devil the world needs. Heroes will by then rise up to topple my existence. But it would be too late when they realize that it was the devil that was the real hero all along.

~ October 2, 2020

"In order to kill a god you need to make them mortal. And in order to kill a hero you need to plant seed of doubt in their heart.

"And what better plan to do so is to make them fall in love with one another. Make them grow close to each other. Have them cling to each other's heart.

"We could even make a villain let alone a demon, if we are to succeed."

~ October 28, 2020

I wanted to see you,

It wasn't my wish,

But the universe delivered.

~ November 8, 2020

*just needed clear clutters in my notes*

Notes in my Phone

It is as I fear,

Suddenly, the devil became afraid.

~ september 29, 2020

Here we go again..

Without love,

The writer can write

Nothing.

~ October 6, 2020

Necessary evil

is necessary

but above

all else

compassion.

~ October 10, 2020

In a perfect world,

those imperfect

are the ones

perfect.

~October 20, 2020

We all need that closure, right?

~October 21, 2020

And if the sky don't cry

the land would dry up,

and the sea would drown.

~ November 3, 2020

Where does the light end?

I don't mind turning a blind eye

on sin I'm unaware of,

Be merry and unenlightened

and pray always be innocent.

How I wish when all ended

right before all is over

Darkness will fade my own light.

~ November 5, 2020

Don't you had enough? You won't die, I know, but if you continue like this. Sooner or later, you will break.

You know what you're doing right now good and all but.. is this that will heal you?

~ October 28, 2020

In the forest beneath the tides

Leaves fall up and rise to the top.

~ October 28, 2020

Instead if saying 'I have nothing to lose,' try saying 'I have everything to gain.' And instead of saying 'I have nothing to gain,' try saying 'I have everything to lose.'

~ November 5, 2020

"Have you ever been in love for a very long time that you forget why you fell in love in the first time?"

~ November 2, 2020

"When you find a better dream than what you've always dreamed your whole life. Would you stray from your path?"

~ October 31, 2020

"Are there others like you?"

"Each and every thing has a soul. Just like you, I am."

~ November ~, 2020

*just needed to clear clutters in my saved notes*

A Firefly's Lie #1: the grave digger

"And finally when the grave digger have found a treasure. He realized, it wasn't his. He climbed out of his grave and hanged himself on a nearby tree."

"That's a lie, right?"

"That is a lie. He climbed out of the grave he was digging. It was dawn. And around him were traces of where he had dug.

"He stood the shovel on the ground beside the grave he just dug. Beneath a nearby tree, his friends awaits him. What happens next?"

"They tell him to start another adventure them?"

"They were dead bodies that needed to be buried. And the treasure he found, a fruit of his betrayal."

"That's a lie."

"That is a lie. One of his friend complained to him that it took a while for him to return. Another asked how he was and if he was doing alright. And another asked if he wanted to go to more adventure with them.

"He stood silent and collected himself. He was tired afterall the digging he just did. After he regained himself he told them, 'I'm tired. I want to go home now.' And he collapsed. His friends caught him as he slept smiling."

"What happened next?"

"You wanted more lies? But who does not, right?

"It was all a wishful dream, the grave digger didn't got out of the grave he dug. He found a treasure but it was too deep for him to ever climb out. He tried and tried but he couldn't get out. His reach fell to short, his body felt heavier and his breathing was harder. He was tired and without hope."

"In this lie, once more he died?"

"His friend one by one, suddenly jumped in with him and started digging."

"Was it to save him? Was it for the treasure?"

"If I say it's a mass burial, you won't believe me?"

"That's a lie."

"One of his friends went to check on him, another started digging and another one pocketed the treasure the grave digger just got.

"And on top of the grave, a girl shouted, 'he's mine.' "

"Another lie?"

"It was the girl he had a promise with."

" 'he's mine?' "

"Is it the treasure or is it the grave digger?"

A Firefly's Monologue #12

"What was the boy who cannot lie digging?"

"He was a grave digger. And he does so whenever he lies."

"He dug graves?"

"He was digging his own grave. The more lie he did, so does his grave go further."

"But he cannot lie."

"To himself, he does. And as his penance, he dig."

"Why does he dig his own?"

"It was his promise, afterall. To keep a secret to his grave. And so he must to himself."

"What if he break his promise?"

"He will find treasure."

"Maybe he wasn't a grave digger? Maybe he was just looking for treasure?"

"If he continue to lie, he won't find any."

"What about his promise?"

"What about himself?"

Poetry #179

Maybe it's the

other way around.

We're not the

ones waiting for

the star to

brighten the night,

it's the stars

that are waiting.

A Firefly's Monologue #11

"They do not touch the strings intentionally. And if they do, they do it apologetically or hence after regretful. They do not intend to force themselves to others but thats how they reshape the world. It starts out small and then next it create cycles."

"How are they different?"

"They wanted to change themselves. They wanted to pull their own string. They wanted to see their own soul. But they could not do so easily. They have to strive hard and dilligently to do so.

"And along the way of changing themselves; along the way of pulling their own string; along the way of seeing their own soul, they help others, mostly unintended.

"They are selfish but not. They do things for their own sake and the world mirrors in them."

A Firefly's Monologue #10

"What happens when you give away all your dreams?"

"You make more dreams. You live them on to someone. You make someone's dreams your own. That's just how things go. You may regret them as ifs and as should've have been but that's just how things will be. Life goes on."

"Life goes on, you say. But won't it hurt?"

"It will. Even if you're giving it away to someone dearly close to your heart. It will hurt, I guarantee you that. As you try to remember the past of should've been. As you remember those things you wanted back. It will hurt. You might even question your self, faith and principle, with whatsoever you gave it up on.

"But if you keep on dreaming, gradually these aches will be tolerable. It will still hurt, I promise you that but you can still keep on dreaming."

A Firefly's Monologue #9

"And then there are those who could see souls."

"Ghosts and apparitions?"

"No. Those beings let us see them if they want us to see them. Unlike those who could see strings, they could pull the strings. And sometimes they are unaware of these.

"They are blind of things their world deemed important. They see things differently. Yet what they do see is ultimately essential, the soul."

"Won't it be hard for them to live in worlds like their own? Can't they travel like you do?"

"Some do travel like me. While those who can't, they get by. They understand far better the world they are in than most and so they live with all their world's hate and apathy.

"The world treats them with an unbelievable reality that at certain points in their lives they begin questioning themselves. But that's just how the world acknowledges them."

"If they can pull the strings, why not just keep pulling? Their wishes can easily come true if they do so, right? And they'd even be happy if they did."

"There are those that do so for their own. Be it a purpose far from my understanding or for something more common and trivial in their world but for them is everything. They must not be hated. They are ones easily mistunderstood.

"As for those that do so without regards to self, it's different. They are ones most easily misunderstood. Sometimes, themselves don't even know."