Poetry #187

And so our chance encounter ends.

I won't be hearing you call my name

as I happen to mishear you call me.

Maybe one day, we'll meet again,

beyond our dreams, over the stars,

Or perhaps, in front of an altar.

I just so would want to once more,

hear you say my name.

Some silly day dream, that is.

Poetry #186

You've become what I could not.

I am envious but I am in love.

Tears won't come when one day

You look back and I'm there.

I will always be here, anyway,

and my only wish, for you to forget.

I am thankful, though,

I really am.

A Firefly's Monologue #26

"You chose to be kind. So you must be kind. You have no right to complain. It's your choice. You're lying, right"

"The world can be cruel."

"Why?"

"It is what I chose."

"You can change, right?"

"I can but I cannot."

"Sometimes, you do not make sense. Do you know that?"

"It's time that hold things in constant. And what is is both unchanging and change. A soul can be hardened, steeled and refined but that soul would still be the same."

"You're missing the point. I don't want you to be always kind. The world is hurting you, you must fight back."

"I can but won't. Unnecessary actions are wasted efforts. The world is cruel but it is just."

"And if justice takes too long to happen?"

"It will still happen."

"What would happen to you? Won't you get hurt knowing your kindness and efforts put to waste?"

"Life goes on, either way."

"You know. You are only unkind to yourself."

"I have my own intentions. It is my own. My actions, misactions and inaction, I know for certain will bear fruit one way or another."

"And if it won't?"

"It will or it won't. Either way, life goes on."

A Firefly's Monologue #25

"There once was a sinner who prayed but never tried redeeming himself. Do you know what he prayed for?"

"To be forgiven and, when the time comes, be accepted in heaven."

"No. He wishes for every person he cares about to be blessed. He wishes for good things to others. He wishes for forgiveness and acceptance to the rest of the sinner he cared for."

"What about himself? Does he not want to be blessed? Does he not want to be forgiven? Does he not want to be guided and kept from evil?"

"He accepted his sin a long time ago. And he knew himself the door of heaven will never open for him."

"But why pray for others?"

"He does nor have anything to pray for."

"If he fully accepted himself going to hell and be unforgiven, why must he be good? Or does he still have hope?"

"That and there is more. He knows and believes there is chance for others unlike him."

"Will he be forgiven?"

"He already was."

"But why does he continue tell himself a sinner."

"His sins haunts him. And he cannot forget."

"But he is forgiven, right?"

"His hell is his own unforgiving himself."

"How can he be save from his own self?"

"By saving others."

"Is that why he prays not for himself."

"He is unaware."

Poetry #185

The colors you fill the world

Will one day change.

The brightness of your beautiful

silky hair will gradually lose its shine.

The glimmer in your bright

bright eyes will lose it's enthusiasms.

And even your voice that fades all

echoes to whispers will lose it's tone.

Oh! How I wish the colors in you change

too so I could see more than your smile.

Poetry #184

There was pain in her eyes

and I could see it.

There was pain in her voice

and I could hear it.

There was pain in her actions

and I could notice it.

She was in pain and I

Could not save her.

She does not know.

She was not aware.

A Firefly's Monologue #24

"And there are those that are never born heroes. They live their lives continuosly dreaming and fearful of going beyond."

"How does one became a hero?"

"They just need a little push."

"And if they don't?"

"They'll continue on dreaming until they eventually become one."

"What if they never?"

"They will be to some but not to everyone."

"Are they the ones you'd mentioned as the misunderstood?"

"They can be."

"Do they know that they are heroes?"

"Eventually they will realize."

"If they don't?"

The firefly smiled.

"Those who knew they are heroes are on their path of becoming one. While those who don't, already are."

Poetry #183

At the full bloom

of the sunset rised

our conversation.

She talked about love

And I told her my rejection.

I was in love with her and

She was in love

with someone better.

The moon smiled.

The sky knew 

I was mistaken.

And I accept.

A Firefly's Monologue #23

"If everything is already predetermined, why do we cry?"

"There are ghosts that we cannot lie about. No matter how far we've reach or how wise we've grown there are things we cannot help but be honest. Even when the sky feels itself filled, the sky will not hold back tears."

"What are these ghost you speak of?"

"They are whom our lies are meaningless. They see the truth and they fill the rest of our hearts with dreams both impossible and possibility."

"Is it the same to those who see strings?"

"If the string is connected to ones heart, it matters not whether one see strings or not."

"Do you cry as well?"

"Those capable of tears are too capable to smile."

The firefly smiled.

Poetry #182

Even when the whole world

goes against you,

I will stay by your side.

You do not need to say a word

I will come barging in,

I will save you.

Just like you coming in to my life,

You never asked,

You weren't gentle, in fact,

you forced your way to me.

You barged into my heart,

no knock nor signs,

You saved me.

And at my lowest,

when I thought the whole

world were against me,

You stayed by my side.

So I will do the same.

Poetry #181

Demons are angels

who fell in love

so much that

they'd be willing

to go to hell

strip off their wings,

grow horns and

rebel.

And there exists

angels, for they

are loved.

A Firefly's Monologue #22

"There were times too when the hero could do nothing. He knows as well everyone knows. Do you know what the hero should do instead?"

"He just have to try harder, right? He's a hero after all, right? He may not be the main character of a grand story, but he's a hero. There's something he could do. Anything. He just have to try harder. Right?"

"If there's nothing he could do, he must accept it. It may sound cowardly but it is not."

"How could he even call himself a hero if just accept it as that?"

"If the hero sees the strings like, he knows and he accepts it. But if he does not, he needs a just a little push."

"You imply that there is more for the hero after."

"Life goes on, for the hero. For better or worse."

"Will he have regrets?"

"The hero gets hurt too. He isn't invincible. He knows that. The hero accepts it."

A Firefly's Monologue #21

"But then there are times the hero have to be harsh. Much like the world is cruel to them. The hero had to be, at times, be strict to those he cherish."

"Have he grown tired of heroism? Can he grow tired of being a hero?"

"It was his way of growing up as a hero."

"And so the hero's unbending will will just suddenly collapse? What of the hard work and plentiful progressed he had made? He may be hated by everyone if he does so."

"He must, at certain point, of his life be able to save himself. If the need arise."

"They will hate him if he does. He would appear selfish coward if he does so."

"He is not a slave. He does things he want. They called him a hero. He obliged. But he too must save himself."

"In face of adversary and misfortune, they would gravely need him."

"That is why he is misunderstood. He is not just a hero. He is not their slave. He is himself."

"What would he hero do for him to be understood? If he explain himself, they will just misundstand him more. If he walks away or does nothing, they will call him a villain."

"Save himself. That is what the hero must do when time comes it happen."

A Firefly's Monologue #20

"There were two things he just couldn't bear. A person crying and a friend in need."

"Is that why he chose to be a hero?"

"That is why he can be a hero. He never chose to be one. But it was if the universe was moving towards heroism."

"But why was he hated?"

"It was a burden he had to take. He had no choice to begin with."

"He could have walked away. Forget about everything else and not be hated."

"But he couldn't be a hero if he didn't."

"Did he want to be one?"

"He wanted to. But he knew what he couldn't do. Still, he did so anyway, and become."

"His path to heroism is complex."

"He is easily misunderstood."

"What about everyone's enmity?"

"Should a hero be bothered by it?"

A Firefly's Monologue #19

"There are heroes who save lives of people they do not know. They just tell themselves they want to be heroes. They do not need gratitude or anything. They just want to be heroes.

"If you think about it, is it not selfish? Acting all heroic and brave when in fact they're just satisfying themselves. Can we still call them heroes if it's just that?"

"Whatever their intents maybe, if they do heroic acts, it's just proper to call them heroes."

"What about the misunderstood and the unrecognized?"

"Misunderstood and unrecognized?"

"The unsung heroes. The one complete ignored and forgotten. The ones hated by everyone. They are out of place and yet it's for something they believe in.

"They do not care whether they get unnoticed, whether the people hate them, whether they get hurt and receive no sympathy.

"Are they heroes?"

"They are heroes too."

"They are in love but are unrequited."

"If the people could only understand them. They would be recognized."

"Yet they remain heroes."

A Firefly's Monologue #18

"Of course, there is no reason loving someone who doesn't love you, right?"

"There is growth. Like a seed in our heart, the water overflows in our eyes. And when we could finally smile again, the seed we sow bears fruit beautifully.

"And if you still cannot. Be patient and take care of yourself."

"It's not that easy."

"It isn't. If it is, it wouldn't be called growth."

"Would you still love even if it's unrequited?"

A Firefly's Monologue #17

"If you could give each and everyone a happy ending. Would you finally settle?"

"If only that were possible, I would. But they won't have the same ending. They won't grow as they should. They won't be who they should be. If you think about it, it is evil. It is a necessary evil to say goodbye to things you dearly cherish and grow.

"It would hurt. I know it would hurt. But it is necessary. It may sound unfair but it must be."

"And those that are left behind?"

"They will be strong. They should and must."

"What if they can't?"

"Life goes on, either way."

"You're hurting too, right?"

"Life goes on for me too."

A Firefly's Monologue #16

"I don't know who they are but there words, their trivial meaningless words. I feel them. Their: ' i love you, ' ' thank you, ' ' i'm sorry, ' and ' goodbye. ' It all felt different. Why?"

"Does it hurt from somewhere? Do you something welling in your eyes? It just means you have just realized you have a heart.

"See? It's sliding down your cheeks now."

"How?"

"These words you've heard, or just moments you've witnessed, it matters not whether you know what happened or what is happening. You have a heart, that is all that matters. And the universe is tugging at it, pulling you closer to things you are unaware of. Tying to others, connecting to other souls.

"You may only see one side or two of things but it doesn't matter. The universe recognizes you have a heart."

"It hurts and I don't know where. Will I always  be like this?"

"When you want to cry, cry. When you want to laugh, laugh. Smile if you want to. If it hurts, let it. There will be more instances you will relive these certain moments. Acknowledge that you have a heart and the universe notices."

Poetry #180

I didn't hear you.

I didn't have to.

When you need me,

I'll be there.

It would be too late

once you've said

'Save me.'

Because I'm already there.

A Firefly's Monologue #15

"And when he woke up he couldn't remember. But the woman hugged him anyway."

"Why? He shouldn't not have forgotten, right? And that was the most important thing he could have done for her, right?"

"He couldn't remember anything. Not even her name. And yet the woman embraced him tightly."

"Didn't it hurt her at all that he have forgotten about her?"

"It did. But she was happy."

"Why?"

"He kept his promise. And he came back."

"Will he remember her again?"

"Does it matter?"

"Is he still the same?"

The firefly smiled.

"He is bound by the promise he kept for her," the firefly replied.

A Firefly's Monologue #14

"He does not know but he is loved. By those who understand him, by those who've been with him, by those who are still with him, by those who fully knew him well and especially by those who truly cared for him.

"He does not know he is loved."

"Why?"

"His heart was broken."

"By whom?"

"By his own innocence."

"So he grew up?"

"He is still in love. And it kept him in solitude, away from the love he must see."

A Firefly's Monologue #13

"There was once a story of a boy who is so in love with a girl. He was shy and young and so he could only do to express his feeling were into writing love letters."

"You mean he wrote a love letter to this girl?"

"No, he wrote many love letters to her. Routinely everyday and many times a day if possible. And all she did was burn the letters he gave her."

"So she doesn't want him?"

"She does."

"But why burn the letters?"

"The boy knew and he cared for her even more."

"Does the girl love him?"

"Yes. But the boy never asked for her answer."

"Why?"

"He wanted to keep writing for her."

"Even though she just burned each letters every time?"

"He loves her."

"Why doesn't she just tell him?"

"Other than the boy, she also loved the letters he gives her."

"But she just burn them anyway."

"And that is why he will keep writing love letters for her. Until he could do more for her, he will continue writing."

"She's just using him."

"Love is give and take. There is something the boy gains in return. He improves his writing."

"So he's just using her?"

"Love is give and take."

"But why burn the letters instead of keeping them?"

"The boy knew and he could just write more. Should it matter whatever happens to the letters?"

Notes in my Phone

"I will free you all, one day. I will break the chains you hold so dear yet wanted to get out from. I will tear down the cage holding you all back.

"One day, I will become the devil that will save all of you. One that will free you of all your sorrows and despair. I will take it all with me until you finally exorcise me from the world with all your sin.

"Are you not aware of it? It will be a devil that will redeem all of your sins. A devil will burn for all of you. And what would you do in return? A sign of torture and resentment."

~ September 19, 2020

"If it isn't love, it's just loneliness, right?"

"No, you're only human. That's why."

"And what of the frog at the bottom of the well? A big fish on a small pond? The devil at the lowest part of hell? Or God who judges us every single move?"

"They're not human."

"I want to understand them. They're not simply idioms. They're not just beings apart from humanity. Assuming they truly exists, don't you think it gets lonely for them as well? Don't you think they have no right to love?"

"They're not human."

~ October 1, 2020

One day, I will become the devil the world needs. Heroes will by then rise up to topple my existence. But it would be too late when they realize that it was the devil that was the real hero all along.

~ October 2, 2020

"In order to kill a god you need to make them mortal. And in order to kill a hero you need to plant seed of doubt in their heart.

"And what better plan to do so is to make them fall in love with one another. Make them grow close to each other. Have them cling to each other's heart.

"We could even make a villain let alone a demon, if we are to succeed."

~ October 28, 2020

I wanted to see you,

It wasn't my wish,

But the universe delivered.

~ November 8, 2020

*just needed clear clutters in my notes*

Notes in my Phone

It is as I fear,

Suddenly, the devil became afraid.

~ september 29, 2020

Here we go again..

Without love,

The writer can write

Nothing.

~ October 6, 2020

Necessary evil

is necessary

but above

all else

compassion.

~ October 10, 2020

In a perfect world,

those imperfect

are the ones

perfect.

~October 20, 2020

We all need that closure, right?

~October 21, 2020

And if the sky don't cry

the land would dry up,

and the sea would drown.

~ November 3, 2020

Where does the light end?

I don't mind turning a blind eye

on sin I'm unaware of,

Be merry and unenlightened

and pray always be innocent.

How I wish when all ended

right before all is over

Darkness will fade my own light.

~ November 5, 2020

Don't you had enough? You won't die, I know, but if you continue like this. Sooner or later, you will break.

You know what you're doing right now good and all but.. is this that will heal you?

~ October 28, 2020

In the forest beneath the tides

Leaves fall up and rise to the top.

~ October 28, 2020

Instead if saying 'I have nothing to lose,' try saying 'I have everything to gain.' And instead of saying 'I have nothing to gain,' try saying 'I have everything to lose.'

~ November 5, 2020

"Have you ever been in love for a very long time that you forget why you fell in love in the first time?"

~ November 2, 2020

"When you find a better dream than what you've always dreamed your whole life. Would you stray from your path?"

~ October 31, 2020

"Are there others like you?"

"Each and every thing has a soul. Just like you, I am."

~ November ~, 2020

*just needed to clear clutters in my saved notes*

A Firefly's Lie #1: the grave digger

"And finally when the grave digger have found a treasure. He realized, it wasn't his. He climbed out of his grave and hanged himself on a nearby tree."

"That's a lie, right?"

"That is a lie. He climbed out of the grave he was digging. It was dawn. And around him were traces of where he had dug.

"He stood the shovel on the ground beside the grave he just dug. Beneath a nearby tree, his friends awaits him. What happens next?"

"They tell him to start another adventure them?"

"They were dead bodies that needed to be buried. And the treasure he found, a fruit of his betrayal."

"That's a lie."

"That is a lie. One of his friend complained to him that it took a while for him to return. Another asked how he was and if he was doing alright. And another asked if he wanted to go to more adventure with them.

"He stood silent and collected himself. He was tired afterall the digging he just did. After he regained himself he told them, 'I'm tired. I want to go home now.' And he collapsed. His friends caught him as he slept smiling."

"What happened next?"

"You wanted more lies? But who does not, right?

"It was all a wishful dream, the grave digger didn't got out of the grave he dug. He found a treasure but it was too deep for him to ever climb out. He tried and tried but he couldn't get out. His reach fell to short, his body felt heavier and his breathing was harder. He was tired and without hope."

"In this lie, once more he died?"

"His friend one by one, suddenly jumped in with him and started digging."

"Was it to save him? Was it for the treasure?"

"If I say it's a mass burial, you won't believe me?"

"That's a lie."

"One of his friends went to check on him, another started digging and another one pocketed the treasure the grave digger just got.

"And on top of the grave, a girl shouted, 'he's mine.' "

"Another lie?"

"It was the girl he had a promise with."

" 'he's mine?' "

"Is it the treasure or is it the grave digger?"

A Firefly's Monologue #12

"What was the boy who cannot lie digging?"

"He was a grave digger. And he does so whenever he lies."

"He dug graves?"

"He was digging his own grave. The more lie he did, so does his grave go further."

"But he cannot lie."

"To himself, he does. And as his penance, he dig."

"Why does he dig his own?"

"It was his promise, afterall. To keep a secret to his grave. And so he must to himself."

"What if he break his promise?"

"He will find treasure."

"Maybe he wasn't a grave digger? Maybe he was just looking for treasure?"

"If he continue to lie, he won't find any."

"What about his promise?"

"What about himself?"

Poetry #179

Maybe it's the

other way around.

We're not the

ones waiting for

the star to

brighten the night,

it's the stars

that are waiting.

A Firefly's Monologue #11

"They do not touch the strings intentionally. And if they do, they do it apologetically or hence after regretful. They do not intend to force themselves to others but thats how they reshape the world. It starts out small and then next it create cycles."

"How are they different?"

"They wanted to change themselves. They wanted to pull their own string. They wanted to see their own soul. But they could not do so easily. They have to strive hard and dilligently to do so.

"And along the way of changing themselves; along the way of pulling their own string; along the way of seeing their own soul, they help others, mostly unintended.

"They are selfish but not. They do things for their own sake and the world mirrors in them."

A Firefly's Monologue #10

"What happens when you give away all your dreams?"

"You make more dreams. You live them on to someone. You make someone's dreams your own. That's just how things go. You may regret them as ifs and as should've have been but that's just how things will be. Life goes on."

"Life goes on, you say. But won't it hurt?"

"It will. Even if you're giving it away to someone dearly close to your heart. It will hurt, I guarantee you that. As you try to remember the past of should've been. As you remember those things you wanted back. It will hurt. You might even question your self, faith and principle, with whatsoever you gave it up on.

"But if you keep on dreaming, gradually these aches will be tolerable. It will still hurt, I promise you that but you can still keep on dreaming."

A Firefly's Monologue #9

"And then there are those who could see souls."

"Ghosts and apparitions?"

"No. Those beings let us see them if they want us to see them. Unlike those who could see strings, they could pull the strings. And sometimes they are unaware of these.

"They are blind of things their world deemed important. They see things differently. Yet what they do see is ultimately essential, the soul."

"Won't it be hard for them to live in worlds like their own? Can't they travel like you do?"

"Some do travel like me. While those who can't, they get by. They understand far better the world they are in than most and so they live with all their world's hate and apathy.

"The world treats them with an unbelievable reality that at certain points in their lives they begin questioning themselves. But that's just how the world acknowledges them."

"If they can pull the strings, why not just keep pulling? Their wishes can easily come true if they do so, right? And they'd even be happy if they did."

"There are those that do so for their own. Be it a purpose far from my understanding or for something more common and trivial in their world but for them is everything. They must not be hated. They are ones easily mistunderstood.

"As for those that do so without regards to self, it's different. They are ones most easily misunderstood. Sometimes, themselves don't even know."

A Firefly's Monologue #8

"Why do you travel?"

"The same with every travellers there are: to go somewhere," said the firefly.

"We all do that. So am I traveller too?"

"Do you want to go somewhere?"

"I.. I guess so, yes."

"Do you happen to know why?"

"It's because I need to be there where ever I want to go."

"And?"

"Nothing else."

The firefly smiled.

"Memories. We all travel to get somewhere. We all travel to learn new things. We all travel to keep ourselves burning. We all travel to live. But essentially: it is memories that enrich our soul; it is memories that satisfy our heart.

"Do you know why? Memories could save our lives."

"How?"

"Don't you remember? It is one of the many things we could pay for, pay for something in exchange for something."

"Memories? Do you mean the things we've learned, gained and experienced?"

The firefly smiled. He wanted to laugh but decided not to.

"You have not travelled enough to see the strings like I do," the firefly said.

A Firefly's Monologue #7

"There was once a fairy who cried for her heroine. Have I told you of that?"

"This is the first time you're mentioning."

"Out of the many fairies that I've met, she was the first fairy I've seen who cried in hopes of making a mistake."

"Hopes of making a mistake? She did what was right, so why cry?"

"Not all good things, shine. So the saying goes. That fairy hardly have any connections with her heroine. In fact, the heroine blantantly ignore the fairy's advice. You could even say that she hated her.

"Still, she knows what's good for the heroine and what lies in her heroine's heart. Do you know why she cried, the fairy?"

"Did the heroine fell from grace?"

"No, it's not about the heroine. The heroine did well. The fairy betrayed herself. Even when she knew it was good and all, that was not the heroine wanted. Still, she pushed her through to it.

"The heroine surpass all her trials and became a hero. But the fairy knew she wasn't happy. The fairy above all else wanted her to be happy. But she couldn't. It was her duty after all to set her on the right path. But she knew what was in the heroine's heart. Though she would had if she did have the chance, she didn't. It was her sworn duty after all.

"In the process, she betrayed herself."

"The heroine wanted to be evil?"

"No, she wasn't. The heroine just wanted to be happy. The fairy wanted her to be happy. Heroism has its own price as well. Sacrificing one's happiness is one of them."

"What happened to the fairy and the heroine?"

"The heroine continued to be a hero. As for the fairy, she let the heroine take a path closer to her happiness, in the hopes the heroine could find a way to her own happiness."

Anime Thoughts: Pet Girl of Sakurasou

To be honest, I felt it missed on the execution of it's resolution. The climax was on point and even the falling action. I could say it's one of the many animation series I've watched that would mark a great deal in my heart. But, I felt the ending to be lacking something: the growth of the main character.

The Pet Girl of Sakurasou is a growing up type of anime, it depicts journeys of various student in thr Sakurasou dormitory.

It's amazing how the writer seamlessly portrayed the various live of each student in the dormitory. It was like Tzusure Children but more connected.

What is up with Sakurasou dormitory, you might ask. It is a dormitory for the students that were outcasted by society or a place where people who cannot stay in the maim dormitory of their campus, for whatever reason there is.

The residents of the Sakurasou can be divided into three types: one, are the geniuses, those three characters that are gifted and will very much have a bright future; two, the one who normal but tries their hard, those three character who strive to do their best but for somewhat machination happening, all of their sacrifices were fruitless. Something the anime kept on portraying as the real life; and three, the house, it is the one person that portrayed the house in it's greatness and silence, it is there when push comes to shove.

But I don't want to go pretty much in depth to the whole story. Though I do want to say that holistically, if you're to watch it for the growth of the characters, you may or you may not feel altogether content with what happens in the end. So basically, you must not view the characters to have one particular lead/main. You must have one main character you are rooting for in order to appreciate what is happening, remember a Tzuresure Children done seamlessly.

I rooted for Kanda Sorara but I found his resolve and growth lacking in the end of the series which made me feel that the series as whole wasn't up to par to how much time I've invested in it. But that is if you're looking at the characters and their story, which is a great deal would be about when you do, right?

But somehow, I feel it's wrong, ir rather it lacks something. It was later on that I've realized that it wasn't the characters and the story that we should only be aware about.

We should also be aware of how symbolical Shiina Mashiro is.

I would like apologize to the writer of the title if I misunderstood it at first.

Shiina Mashiro was portrayed to be a great genius there is and though how weird she can be she will succeed at whatever that she do. But that's not the only case on how to view her.

If we replace Shiina Mashiro as an actual pet, let say a cat, we would see the uncanny resemblance that she does and how the other character interacts with her. Amazingly seamlessly it was executed.

The part that revealed it to me was when Shiina Mashiro tries to make Kanda Sorata feel better with what makes her feel good. The bread that she kept giving to him which probably he didn't realized it. Even at the end.

It was a bit heartbreaking to see Shiina Mashiro a genius trying so hard to fit in a world she could not understand. If only I was looking at Shiina as a pet and not as a person/child while I watched that scene. She couldn't understand what was going on. She wanted to something for Kanda Sorata, other than her drawing.

And so she thought of giving Kanda Sorata one of her favorite food, the bread whatever flavor that was. But over and over again, Kanda Sorata did not see it in her way and so, she pushed her.

But not strong enough for Shiina Mashiro to up and leave him and the dorm. Was it she was weak or was it how it always go with our pets? Not that we get mad at them but with how they will just stay there for you even if they don't understand you and how they understand you is different from how you want to be understood.

Shiina Mashiro wanted Kanda Sorata to be happy and so she gives him something that does make her happy. But he was blind to it.

Fortunately, Kanda Sorata knows it too. He knew that he was wrong and that he was just jealous of how talented and gifted she were. And so even after all the harshness he did, he went back to her and reconcile with her. He do really care about her afterall. And somehow, it was only Shiina Mashiro that Kanda Sorata thought who would unbiasly hear him out. Just like how masters usually do with their pets when they feel unease in their heart.

I hope there will be a second season, though I already spoiled myself and read some summary of what is to happen. I wish to see more growth of Kanda Sorata. He's the main lead I rooted for in the beginning, anyway. And also of the cliffhanger and the cast.

Again, look at it symbolically and you might enjoy it fully if you ever watch it for the first time or rewatching. It's a nice watch.

I'll be watching 'my room mate is a cat,' soon after by the way. In case you're wondering, I got this idea of Pet Girl of Sakurasou in a clip from said anime. So, yeah, no points for me.

A Firefly's Monologue #6

"Even fairies have feelings too."

"Fairies?"

"Those who cannot see the strings, see them as fairies. And those with faith see them as miracles."

"String?"

"They do things without having others ask. They can reshape the world if they have to, don't you know? They have this great power within them. And when they choose a person they'd with be to the end, they would truly be their by their side, always.

"It hurts me sometimes that only a few would notice them. They don't have anything in particular magnificient, if that's what you think of them, it's that, they work themselves so hard for things tongo their way. And it hurts me more in case things that they want doesn't exactly goes.

"They don't have anything to begin with. They were no hero to do feats. They are not grand magicians to just magically make things happen. They just push on through with what they have and try their hardest to do what they could just do.

"They cry too, if you're wondering. Much like the monuments and buildings of old that show tears of crack from their aged corners. Much like the sky when they could hold it no longer.

"Even fairies have feelings too."

"I'm lost with what you are saying right now."

"If people could only recognize what they were. If people could only see how hard they are trying. Maybe those who have faith would always see miracle. Even the minute ones.

"I'm sorry, what was your question again?"

A Firefly's Monologue #5

"Are all worlds worth travelling?"

"Yes."

"Are all the worlds you've travel to worth travelling?"

"No."

"You just said-"

"There are worlds I went to and immediately left. Worlds, that once upon a time, I thought would great to tread on. But shortly after, I regretted going there and just left."

"So not all worlds are world travelling to then? You just contradicted yourself."

"I once travelled to a world of magic and fantasy. It was all amusing and interesting to me."

"The people there?"

"The tales and the heroics. All of them were all that mattered. I never heeded the words, the stories of the people there. I was only interested in the way of the world that there is in that."

"Don't you have those kind of powers youself?"

"I have not yet realized it. I thought back then that we all only lived in one world. So my travels to different world were like I'm travelling to different country."

"What of the people? What of their stories?"

"I paid no heed to those. In my eyes then, magic are all the brilliance that sparks the heart. But it wasn't.

"There's more to it than magic alone that lits a spark in the heart."

"That was when you were still young or when you just started your travel?"

"We grow up, at one point. Though not everyone wants to, we will. And when we do, we change. We may not be aware of it but soon you'll notice."

The firefly let loose his wings.

"What happened next?"

"It was vague at first, but slowly I came to realize there was more to it than magic. There were more than those fantasy and lores that I was most fascinated about. There were people. There were soul surrounding me on those places I went to.

"At that point, the magic spells and chants suddenly grew bland. Words of each person I met were more compared to those.

"But I am not saying magic is worthless. They are part of what made those world."

"You grew up."

"They are all worth travelling to. But you do not have to force yourself to go to where you do not want.

"But for you to know what you want or not, you must first travel to a world, blindly or with bias. And then decide whether you'd stay there for a while then leave or see it through."

A Firefly's Monologue #4

"What did it feel when you return to worlds you've been through after a very long?"

"It takes time for me to go back to a world I once travelled."

"What for?"

"To ask myself questions."

"Questions?"

"Will they remember me? Will I remember them? Do I need to come back?"

"Why?"

"To rekindle a certain heart beat and a certain heart ache. We need those. Our heart and soul needs rekindling."

"Your light never seemed to wane. Why does your heart need it much more your soul?"

"I wouldn't want to forget anything."

Poetry #178

The little girl came back

to her happy hometown.

There reigned a tyrant

who's hands requires

the people to never cry.

In the middle of the square,

the little girl's fair

father motionless lying

on his smiling face.

He was bruised;

He was battered;

badly injured

all over.

But the little girl's father

was a man who obeys law.

Even in death,

though tyranny dictates,

The dead body of her father,

Though miserable to look,

smiles at death's door.

The little girl smiled

as she was taught by her father.

On her cheek rained,

on a cloudless autumn evening.

A Firefly's Monologue #3

"It always surprise me in my travels, how a world parallels with another. Be it a paradise in the middle of a desert or an island lost at sea. They can both be connected no matter opposite they could be.

"Once I went to the happiest place, a little child once told me, and there suddenly, tears ran down my cheek."

"You were crying?"

"I did," the firefly said. "For some reason, I just felt doing."

"Was it you're unable to stay that made you cry?"

"No. Not anymore. It was just like that once. I wanted to cling on, to stay and keep myself from moving. But life must go on. And in these worlds I travel, I cannot.

"But I don't think that's the whole point now. There were things in those world I'm particular with that resonated within me.

"Pieces of the universe, for a few moment, attaches to my soul."

"Maybe things that picqued your interest?"

"Yes, things that suddenly perfectly connected to my heart but only for a brief moment. Thus at those, I am reminded of some things: memory; regrets; dreams; possibilities; and the likes.

"My heart just couldn't handle it. So, it fills up and over the brim and my soul just spills."

"Can you say you're happy when it happens?"

"There a bit of hurt from within. But I am, at those moments."

Poetry #177

Know this and remember,

one day when you've gone

so far and high,

your memories will give way

and crumble.

Even someone you hold dear

and cherish most,

you will forget about them.

But no matter where you are

or how much you've forgotten,

your heart will always be connected

to the universe.

Poetry #176

Her smile though hides

intent and malice

Have faded.

She no longer grin

nor smirk.

At that moment,

she cry.

A picture no

one saw happening.

And in her eyes

her wish for

a happy end

she knows

she's undeserving.

She's just like

everyone

afterall.

She wanted to be happy.

A Firefly's Monologue #2

"Did the father did what was right?"

"It depends on the perspective."

"He lied to his daughter."

"That was for her sake. Any parent can go to that length for their child. The whole world could deem him at fault but that isn't his sin. No parent can be blamed for that.

"If it's for his child whatever thing he do, it is never a sin. A lie, no matter how grave or white it is, if a parent does it for his/her child, it is not a sin. I refuse to call it so."

"And yet you call him a sinner?"

"Yes."

"If lying wasn't his sin. What is?"

"He's a liar."

"But you just said-"

"He lied to himself."

"What was his punishment?"

"A few years of memory."

"What about his daughter?"

"She found out."

"Did she hated him after?"

"She grew up."

"For the better?"

"For the better."

A Firefly's Monologue #1

"So, what happened to the girl who wished to save her hero?"

"She kept her promise," the firefly said.

"Was it tragic?"

"For those who couldn't understand, it was."

"You felt nothing in her tale? In her bravery, her sacrifice? Nothing at all?"

"It wasn't tragic. She lived her life heroically," the firefly smiled. It was bittersweet.

"The hero, what happened to him?"

"He was saved."

"Did the girl lived a happy life?"

"Does that matter?"

"Did she die a beautiful death?"

"They couldn't be together in the end. But her soul, her soul was with him. And he knew."

A Firefly's Dilemma

"What happens to the worlds you went by and you've forgotten about?"

"I don't remember," the firefly said. "But those I've visited will always be carved out in my heart."

"Why do you wish to forget?"

"I want to go back to each and everyone of them."

"Why don't you?"

"There are more worlds I must visit. And I cannot for the life of me be in more than one place at a time."

"But you have time, right?"

"Will they remember me?" the firefly said.

Poetry #175

The sea stares back

as you gaze

Even if the golden

hour have passed.

Were you not aware

of the miracles?

Or were you, in

your eyes, drowning?

Quarantine Thoughts: #5

I never liked the journey, if that's what you're going to ask. I don't like any of it at all. The every duties, the grueling tasks, the daily routines. All of it. I just don't like any of it. Everyday, things just gets harder and harder. It's true we could relax every now and then but.. I just hate it.

It's the company, in case you're wondering I stayed.

I don't have a good memory, so in a few years or two, I would have forgotten what happened. But those guys, those with us, I'm sure I'd remember them. Probably would need just a bit of rekindling and I'm sure it would be like only a few days that have passed.

We're all connected, right?

Poetry #174

I just have to read deeper on each line,

right?

Each words, each rhymes, each pronunciation it sounds,

I just have to feel it,

right?

But no one said that I should be reading it between pages,

between chapters,

between title,

I didn't know.

It wouldn't make sense if that's how it goes,

though.

But then again,

there was no one to fall in love with.

Was I reading a novel?

-_-

You made your life so beautiful, that when your story finally came to an end. I can't help wonder why I couldn't cry.

But then when I remember you, only after a little while. Probably a few days, weeks, months or even years. Only when you suddenly came to me, in a memory or perhaps it was even a dream, that I started crying.

--

written for "I Want to Eat your Pancreas" movie anime. I don't know if ever I wrote it somewhere in this blog the justice it deserve. I cried.

P.s.

I just finished watching "Your Lie in April," it's happening again. I couldn't cry yet.

Poetry #173

And if you

can't cry, anymore.

But you still

have more tears

Bottled up.

The world, the

universe and everything

in it will

make a miracle

for you.

You're drowning from

the inside, right?

And whatever that

miracle is,

Be it someone

crying in your

instead, you will

be saved.

-_-

Come to think of it, miracles are what's born out of our own selfishness and the world's desire for silence. It hears, the world hears, over and over and over again our pleas, our falling tears, our wishes, our dreams. It hears all of it.

And the world will be like: "Okay, I give up. I will help you."

Poetry #172

It's unfair,

and that

is reality.

The world

will remind

us of

sorrow and

that one

single pain

that we

try avoided.

But if

that's what

it would

take us

for growth.

The world

will conspire.

We must

go through

it first.

No escaping,

no ignoring.

We must

face it,

whatever it

is that's

needed for

us to

go on.

It will

be painful.

You've felt

it before.

It's unfair

and that

is reality.

But if

that's what

it would

take us

for growth.

The world

will oblige.

Quarantine Thoughts: #4

Aren't they the one who truly fell in love with us first? No, seriously. They're their as far as memories could remember. It's them that tells them of further dreams, no matter how wild it could get. It's them who taught them about magics, promises and probably something about the hero themselves are not aware of.

They couldn't the voice of the world like you do. They couldn't see the signs, let alonr the miracle you're preaching. But they believe you. They might laugh at your silliness sometimes, but that's just how they are. In fact, in truth they respect you and whatever you say whole heartedly accept it. Your dreams, though unrelated to theirs. Your lies, though it could get annoying at times and sometimes very pitiful. But they are there.

They're the fairies we give so little credit about. The light that we water down as if just a dimness that is outshine by our names. We take them truly for granted. But they are still there.

And finally, when the hero is done with his journey, it's not them that they fell in love with.

But I'm pretty sure they're just nearby. And the hero knows they're there.

Poetry #171

And when you attract the light

Don't look away,

Don't close your eyes,

It's there.

It's there

Where you wanted to be,

right?

It will guide you.

Don't be afraid of it.

If you feel like it would burn you,

let it.

Let it burn through your very soul.

Let it ignite your spirit.

Poetry #170

And in case,

should you wonder,

the world will

let you, only,

on what matters.

Nothing more and

certainly nothing less.

Quarantine Thoughts: #3

I don't know how but I just suddenly felt in love. It mustn't have been your hair. It mustn't have been your eyes. Is it your smile? Your voice? The way you act; your little gestures; the way you treat others.

I don't know. It's just knowing you're there suddenly made me feel I have a reason for living. Suddenly, this world I'm in, it's not so empty after all.

Poetry #169

This isn't the

ending you want.

This isn't your

happy ever after.

Would like to

wake up now

or would you

keep on lying?

Poetry #168

What if the

dreams you have

are not yours

to begin with.

What if those

dreams you achieved,

worked hard for,

sacrificed a lot,

are not yours?

Will you dream

a different dream?

or will you

live with it?

Poetry #167

It would just hurt,

actually,

For you to finally

achieve

The dreams you long

wanted.

Only to find you,

sorrow.

You're suddenly not

happy.

There's a better dream

unattainable.

Within reach but never

meant.

Your thoughts just suddenly

wonder.

Quarantine Thoughts: #2 the rainbow

On my way to work the other day, I notixed something different. There was a rainbow in the sky. I guessed, it sticked on to me, being dramatic and all. I just like looking at a sunny sky. Though I would have wanted if there were fewer cables and roofs to block my view. Even still, sunny sky with a bit clouds here and there, is the best view. To me at, least. Remember when I talked about 'cloud tracing,' when I let my pen freely draw what my eyes see on the shape of clouds. Though, I haven't done it for a very long time now, my eyes would always stare at the beauty of the sky.

Rainy days are a bit hectic to me, now. I guess, it should have always been, if my memory is right. But I just don't like rainy weather. Though, it's true beauty can only be seen during the late evening and at night. If you're aware of the golden hour, when it's raining or about to rain, the sky turns reddish violet. Also, the smell of the air, at time, one can smell the water in the air. That's probably my way of telling whenever it's about to rain. A definite high prediction rate, sometimes. It's fun to predicting the weather with colleagues. And when my prediction suddenly comes true, even if no one's impressed by it. I feel a bit proud having a little bit of know with the weather. Hence, I tell myself, the sky speaks with me or I know the secret the sky. Or something like that. I still have a wild imagination. But not as wild as before.

Going back to the rainbow. Other it appearing right before my eyes, I noticed something else. There were no one looking at it. There was a child who pointed at it, and I guess, I heard her say with glowing wide eye, 'rainbow.' But that's it. Her playmates didn't mind it. They paid no special heed to it.

Was I unaware of their awareness? Was I too late to notice their moment of enthusiam of finding something rare, peculiar, unusual?

Or were they to preoccupied with trivialities that to them even miracles are considered trivials?

But those just a few of my thoughts back then and just now. Since my eyes were intently fording the cables of telephone and electric poles and jumping over rooftops. All I want to do at just that moment, was to look at the rainbow. Nothing else. At that moment, everything, to me, was trivial. Save for the clouds, the setting sun and that one rainbow.

Poetry #166

And can

we not

be selfish,

more or

less, sometimes?

It wouldn't

be fair

if we

always give

and be

unaware of

how ourselves.

When one

finds love,

should the

world matter

even if

it burns

for a

million years

it would

only be

a moment.

even if

it fractures,

and break

it would

hardly be

of relevance.

When one

finds love.

Nothing else

actually matters.

For the

first part,

that is.

Poetry #165

So, what

of the

fairies?

You know

those glowing

sparks,

Those little

ball of

lights

Hanging by

our heroes'

shoulders.

I don't

believe you're

blind 

They glow,

float and

spin,

The heroes

sometimes, always

notice.

They too

have souls,

right?

They're there

even when

unneeded.

And when

heroes goes

lost

They'll be

there even

unasked.

Why should

I not

bother?

Since they

never asked

care?

Since they'll

always be

there?

Don't they

too wish

appeciations,

Even just

a little

bit?

They too

know our

soul,

If you're

a bit

wondering.

So, what

of the

fairies?

Poetry #164

Here I am

again at the

edge of the

world and all

of the universe.

It's funny, you're

way over there.

And not here

by my side,

as I dreamt.

But should it

really matter now?

You're here, anyway.

I hope you

don't plan on

stopping me again.

As you did

the first time.

But this time

You won't make

me turn back.

I've really made

up my mind.

I hope you'll

be happy as

always or better.

That's all I'd

ask for now.

This is goodbye.

A wanderer and an old priest

"You're a strange one, wanderer," the old priest of a faithless town said. "You're not afraid to die and yet you fear love?"

"Who said I'm scared of love?" the wanderer refuted. "I do not fear love."

"Said he who shudders when approached by fair maidens?"

The wanderer wanted to argue but found himself at a lost. Was he really afraid of love? And so he tried to formulate a decent reason why he does so.

"It's just that-"

"You're lonely, wanderer, am I right? Or were you hurt once?"

Suddenly memories of distant past mistakes and misfortune flashed in the wanderer's mind.

It wasn't only him that got hurt back then. But he also hurt the woman that he loved. Of which he had already lost connection with her both physically and emotionally. He wasn't in loved with her anymore. He was free. Free to love again and yet, he didn't. He could but he couldn't. Was he afraid of hurting anyone again or were he afraid to get hurt?

After a moment of senseless thought and quiet, the wanderer smiled.

"I might get afraid of dying if in case I ever love again," the wanderer said and readied himself to get up.

"Is that so?" the priest asked. "So, where are you heading to now?"

"I don't know, maybe somewhere else."

Poetry #163

My apology, for this truth I bear
is both certain and true.

For one, we are always in constant war
and another, there is no balance without chaos.

When finally this war have reached it's conclusion
then true peace when we're finally laid to rest.

As for the balance and chaos,
tell me, of this constant lie we are fed.

Either of my apology and the true
of my sin and lie I failed to tell,

We are never free
nor are we never committed.

Quarantine Thought

A little thought of what's going on right now:

As of now, I never thought that something like this would happen in my lifetime. I wonder how our predecessors cope up with pandemics and outbreaks? I am certain that the masses of the lower class, economically, are having a really hard time in this trying time.

For one thing, the community quarantines and lock downs in certain areas takes great toll toward their financial necessities and sooner or later, I'm pretty sure, without much improvement or rather "direct hands on" of the greater government, anarchy of some sort would ensue. But I'm pretty sure, as well, that things won't go that far. People have evolved, even though disaster and chaos have too, even still, people have evolved. So perhaps, this thought of anarchy might just be a guess and nothing more than that.

Another thing would be the morale of the community. Even though I find it annoying but I guess I and a lot more people should be thankful that a certain trend is keeping the moral of people at a normal level. It is really annoying yes but at least the people are happy, right? I'm referring to the mobile app, "Tiktok" by the way. I don't generally hate it but I just find it annoying. Nothing more.

I guess that's the two sides that are clashing right now, the financial crisis the people are currently facing and the morale that they are trying to keep up.

Beyond these two things though, there are the matters of education, isolation, distancing and obeying rules and protocols.

1. Rules and protocols, between obeying rules and the call to satiate one's hunger, in a young culture that we live in, I'd say the greater mass would choose the latter. Thus rules of staying at home and trying to isolate oneself is hardly a possible task for everyone. I am sure that the people in my country do not just waltz around doing nothing but leisure. The people in my country are bred in hard work, diligence and honesty.

I'm just saddened that as a young culture, even though we are enthusiastic about things and all, even though we are a culture of good people and kind heart, we are easily swayed into doing things that isn't right. That is what I meant by being in a young culture. Other than that, being in a young culture, we never or rather we have little interest of the past. We always look forward for the latest trend, for the majority at least, in my opinion.

With regards to distancing, I am pretty sure, physical distancing and physical contact will be something that will hardly be lessened let alone disappear by rules and implementation of laws. Though I said we people of a young culture, certain norm and habit will hardly die, especially those simple that easily and ultimately show affection and respect. This things are habitually and easily thought at our early age even up to when we are already old and have gone and married in all. These are manners that are ingrained in our mind and soul by virtue. Though I do believe there will come a time when these habit will soon die out. Even still, this is part of our culture that can't seem to fade. I hope.

For isolation and distancing, I think I'll make another post regarding to that. It'll be a short post, I guess, but it's just what's in my thought.

I hope you guys are safe and dreaming well.

Poetry #162

Suddenly, everything
and all
just taste
bland and
feel trivial.

Nothing else
seemed to
spark that
usual enthusiasm
you usually
always have.

Everything became
routine and
even those
miracles that
you so
always glorify
no matter
minute or
tasteless they
even are,

You lose
sight, touch
and feeling.

It's no
longer there.

Have you
lost love?

or perhaps

have your
love lose?

Poetry #161

"Just give up already,"
my frail heart asked me.

I wanted to say yes,
I really do.

But, I wasn't courageous
enough to fall in love.

And so, I kept on hurting.

Poetry #160

All along
I thought
You were
The one
that was
never there.

Few days
hence after
I realized,

You were
there all
along and
I wasn't.

Was the
love real?

Poetry #159

Maybe it's just a silly day dream,
Or was I really dreaming?

But mayhaps, I've misheard you
calling my name,
instead of telling me:
"look at the stars,
they shine."

I did as you said.
They really do.

But once I looked back,
you're no longer there.

Year 2020

What happened?

I don't want to do any recap or whatever since I'm certain a lot of sites and whatsoever have already posted about it. I shouldn't be writing about these contemporary new but even still, to you who ever read this:

Please be safe. Stay strong. You'll get through it. You and your love ones. This is a just a temporary hurdle nothing else. And if you don't want to think about it as such, I understand you. Not all problem is the same. I apologize in advance if I'm rude. But know that whatever is happening right now, you'll get through it.

And at the end of it all, a sigh of relief and a smile.

As for those who by then were lost. They have found their way. Pretty sure, they are smiling at us.

My apology if I took a while

So far, it has been a hectic year. And that is or rather was outside the norm and contemporaries. Work has been booming and I'm glad and thankful for that but I couldn't get the time write. Though I started a new page in another website, I could hardly get the time to write anything.

And awfully, my writings/post/articles there are not so good.

I wish I have more time though..

But whatever.

I got lots of pending animes that I couldn't catch up to. Even writings/articles and dreams that I would like to write about aren't being published and some are just left stuck in my forgetful memory.

I'm really a mess right now. I'll write some more if I got the time or rather if the situation in my country change. And I hope everyone's country's get better soon.

That's it for now. And again, I'm really sorry that I couldn't write anything here. Three months without anything... left blank and all.