I'll come back. I swear

That was all too sudden and here we are, already 2 days more until December. The project I wanted to do, I stopped doing. The game I've been playing, I'm just fooling around with. The anime I'm currently watching, somehow I've lose reason or rather interest in watching.

What the hell is happening to me?

I'm really busy with IRL stuffs but somehow I'm just losing touch with what I want to do. Or rather, what I want to do changed.

The game I'm talking about, I've already reached the goal that I wanted to reach. I'm only watching or rather hearing music in youtube instead of looking at anime videos. The stories I wanted to tell are still inside my head but I don't know if they'll stay there for long. My hands does not want to write. Even though I'm writing in a little cute booklet I've bought the other month. I've been writing in there religiously. It will probably something that will keep my literary spirit on fire. Or something like that.

The stories that are still pending right now for this blog are:
1. The firefly in the bottle
2. The first mate's dilemma on the island they stayed for a while.
3. The two voices
4. The captain's past

I think that's all for the stories I had in my mind. If there are others, it's sad to say but I have more things to remember. I wonder how the stories will unfold.

I know I'm not really good at writing but that's just how things come to be. Sometimes I even surprise myself of that outcome that happens. I never liked planning things for the long run. I just love writing. But just right now, I couldn't. I'll come back. I swear.

Sooner or later, I'll be away

Sooner or later, I'll be away from doing my lonely literary duty. To be precise, I won't be able to type as much as well watch animes as much as I do. I will be much busy IRL. But I do hope I could go back after my impending hiatus.The days I wasn't able to go online or rather times I was so hold up in IRL duty, my literary enthusiasms got colder. I don't know why but apparently can't focus much on watching any animes and the poems I'm writing seemed to be forceful.

I sort of got out of sync with my desire of literature. Even the project I was looking forward to got held up. I even made plans for it. As well the stories I had in my mind: the captain who is now the first mate, the captain's past and the real first mate, and the two voices.

Even the list of anime I made for this month. I don't think I'll be able to finish it all.

If you could see the anime list I made in my phone, you'd probably laugh. It keeps getting longer and more disorganized.

I wonder if I could keep up.

Also there is a game I am playing right now. It got me hooked right now. Another reason why I'm having a fallout. Not to mention other trivial matters.

The only thing going right now is the tiny notebook I bought the other month. I write something random in it everyday or from time to time. I'm doing it religiously so, I think it will be something that will keep my literary enthusiasm going.

Child of Thunder and the World

"Was he afraid for others as well?" the old woman asked. The firefly smiled and nodded.

"Won't you be afraid for others if there's a chance you'll hurt them. In some way?"

"I will be but I'll try my best not to hurt anyone around me. I don't want to leave anyone," the old woman replied.

"That's the right answer," the firefly said. "But even still, that was the choice the child chose. He was afraid it would be too much for him at the same time, the burden was becoming too much for him-"

"And so he left?" the old woman asked. She stretched her arms as she yawned. The raging storm outside the cabin kept on. The lamp's lit stayed warm for the two.

"So sound disappointed," the firefly asked.

"I don't know. I just feel like, I sort of understand the child but.. I don't think I can fully place myself in his shoes. I know it will be troublesome for everyone and even to myself but I should have tried more."

"He did tried. The span of his wings never matured. His aching face always showed it when he tried to fly with everyone. He pushed himself further away from everyone sometimes closer to the ground and sometime somewhere in the sky no one could reach. He did all that, he tried to be normal, all the while retraining himself-"

"- But he must even try harder," the old woman said. "Restraining himself while trying to be normal?"

"He wanted to be normal, like everyone else. And so in the process, he hurt himself. He kept on. Until he could no longer."

"Hurt himself?"

"Only himself, no one else."

"Where is he now?"

"Who knows. He said he'd fly off to greater clouds where only he himself and some distant travelers would hear his flight."

"So he lived his life as a hermit then?"

"Yes. That is until he met with a firefly."

"You found him?"

"It was just a chance encounter. Apparently, it was him who found me."

"I wanted to know the details but first please tell me what happened to the child?"

"He was happy when I left him. He, actually, just needed someone to talk to."

"Everyone does. Especially those who are lonely and are going through something they can hardly bear."

"So what happened?"

"At first he asked me why I was sitting on top of a mountain. I don't quite remember why, but I guess I just liked scenery. Even on cold dark nights, the view was awesome. But I didn't tell him that. I'm quite a liar back then and so I told him, I was waiting for him. Something to jest him about and nonchalantly apologize to him once I became acquainted with him. Something like an ice breaker.

"You know what happened next? He just let out his wing in full span. I got blasted back since I wasn't fully aware of it. His wings were most amazing and pretty loud. But all I could say was he had a beautiful wing. Wings made of sounds are something one cannot see with eyes but hear with ears."

"Did he ran away after he saw you getting flung?"

"I don't think he saw me, after he stretched out his wings and me being flung away, after I went back to him, he was crying. I made him cry. I made a total stranger cry."

"You're a mischievous sort back then?" the old woman asked.

"Right now, I am as well," the firefly smiled.

"Why did he cry? I know for sure he wasn't crying because of you."

"He wanted-"

"Wait! Before that. You said he found you, right? Was he looking for you?"

"Fireflies stick out in the cover of darkness," the firefly said as he showed her his tail light.

"So he just got interested in a light from the darkness as he was traveling?"

"Apparently so," the firefly said. "You seemed to be much talkative right now, my dear friend?"

"I'm interested in your story," the old woman said. "You should be glad you're telling such a fantastic story even though you were hesitating earlier."

"Are you fine?" the firefly asked. "Do you need something else right now?"

"I'm alright," the old woman answered. "Please continue your story. What happened? Why was he crying?"

"Oh! Right, as you said earlier, he was lonely and he was bearing his problem all on his own. Something like a pair of ears would be nice change for a conversation. And so, I was there. And my ice breaker apparently broke through his walls. I wanted to apologize as he cry but suddenly he told me everything about him.

"His wings were a pain to everyone around him. Even though it stings a bit whenever he flies, he could bear it. His ears have grown accustomed to the loud crashes. Imagine hearing thunder every moment as you fly. Other than that, he told me of how he restrained himself while trying to be normal just like everyone else."

"Did he wanted to be normal?" the old woman asked.

"With a gift like his, he does. He saw his wings as curse," the firefly said. "He told me that he tried cutting them off but he couldn't. Nothing can break his wings except for himself. And so to remedy his desire to be normal, he restrained his wings. He tried so hard to never fully mature his wings. He bent it's crashing sound, more or less silence it. His efforts bore him flight in silence. But it was all too bothersome to him. And even so it was less deafening, those around him were still fearful."

"It was all in vain?"

"Yes."

"Why did he bothered to be normal?"

"Exactly, what I told him. And he answered me with: because I wanted to be with everyone."

"And what he did was totally opposite of what he wanted. He leaving everyone, that is."

"Well, the child was kind. That was his fault. He wouldn't want to bother anyone else. He'd rather be lonely than hurt anyone."

"He should never be normal!" the old woman angrily said. She coughed. The firefly tried to help her.

"Are you alright?" the firefly said but the old woman's palm stopped him. She nodded, she gestured she was fine.

"He should never be normal," the old woman said as she took a deep breath. "With wings like his, he should be happy."

"Say," the firefly said. "Would you mind telling me what you would have told him and what you would have happened next?"

"If I was there," the old woman said. "I'd slap him a sense or two. He should be proud of what he is. Strive not to be normal, since that wasn't him. And him cutting off his wings, what a terrible deed to do. His wings that were made of sound is spectacular in its own sense, what more they were made of thunder? If I had something like that, I'd go flying everywhere. And without worrying of anyone not noticing my entrance, just from my sound of flapping my wings, they know I'm coming."

"You'd be like a superhero or something?" the firefly asked.

"Yes! I'd used to help everyone, somehow."

"Still, I'd tell him that his wings are special and that he was special. And him wanting to be normal is a waste of his gift. It's a waste of being who he is. It's like denying one's own existence. It's pathetic. That child is pathetic. Even though he has amazing wings and all. He is pathetic."

"Are you sad for him?"

"He is pathetic and yet I feel pity for him. I'm sad for him. No one deserves to be alone. No one deserves to be like that. Did someone loved him?"

The firefly smiled to the old woman's question.

"I never told you he was never loved. I only said everyone was afraid of him. But no one hated him. He misunderstood the world."

forever in my mind

In your arms, I'd die peacefully. I don't mind what awaits for me in the after life. But I'm glad by the I passed and when you've completely forgotten about me, I made a world befitting for you. A world where you are in the right place. I don't know what you would be by then, or what you would be doing, but I'm definitely sure you'll always wear a smile none may say is a lie.

For now, let me just keep this moment forever in my mind.

Child of Thunder

"Once I met a child," the firefly said. "A child feared by the world. He was kind and always thinking ahead. He does not like to bother others and so he would often on his own cast himself away. As you can see, the world does not hate the child. He was feared. The things that made him fearful were his wings."

"So he's a angel?" the old woman asked. "An angel of death? The ones who guide people in the afterlife?"

"No," the firefly said. "He isn't an angel. You see, the wings he have were given to him. He never said by who but it was a memento."

"A family treasure? But how can wings be given? Aren't they supposed to grow on your back or for birds, it's their arms."

"I have not much clue about that. But it doesn't matter right now. You see, the wings he have were made of thunder."

"The spark we see on rain clouds?"

"No, not the lightning. But actual sounds."

"Sounds?"

"The boom you hear after lightning crashes down."

"You mean actual thunder sound?"

"It was so loud that whenever he stretches and flaps his wings, it shocks everyone around him."

"I too would be afraid of that."

"Everyone did," the firefly laughed but suddenly put on a stern face. "It's because of that, that he was always alone. Along with the world, he too was afraid to himself. It was this reason that could only fly so far. And also the reason why his wings never fully spanned. He never always had it out. When he does, he twist and bend it to it's minimum."

"Did it hurt?" the old woman asked.

"Yes. He never told anyone but whenever he does open his wings, his face shows it. It hurts him when it does."

"What of his ears? A distant thunder wouldn't be so loud but one just directly behind you would be really painful to bear."

"It is his wings," the firefly smiled. "It wouldn't hurt him for that matter. What hurts him though was his wings unable to fully fly."

"So what happened to him?"

"He stayed on the ground," the firefly said.

"What about his peers, his friends, his family? Surely there must be someone that knew and cared for him."

"They left him. Or rather, he left them."

Poetry #158

You find
yourself misunderstood.

But have
you yet
realized it
was you
who misunderstood
the world?

The world
completely understands.

Without words,
without signs,
without notices,

The world
understand all
of it.

You just
need to
have faith.

Poetry #157

And yet
you try
your best.

You try
hard for
the sake
of staying.

You put
up with
everything and
even when
it hurts
you smile.

It's no
lie but
you it's
your selfishness
that keeps
you going.

Or perhaps
it's not
you being
selfish but
you being
in love?

Poetry #156

For you
I will
turn down
the world.

I want
to be
with you.

The world
And everything
else does
not matter.

I want
to be
with you.

Without you,
nothing will
really matter.

Poetry #155

Maybe I
want to
save you.

Maybe I
want to
be by
your side.

Maybe I
want you
to stay
with me.

Maybe I
just want
to see
you forever.

Just across
the room
or just
across the
far horizons.

Just don't
leave, please.

Poetry #154

Suddenly the
dreams started
happening again.

But you
could no
longer live.

The dreams
you have
were amazing
and all

But in
return you
have to
throw away
the life
you're used
to living.

Will you
be fine?

Poetry #153

If you
intend to
live forever,
then die.

Right here,
Right now.

It's the
only way
for you
to live
forever as
a memory.

The firefly and the old woman

"Don't worry, I'll make all your wishes come true," the firefly in the lamp whispered to the old woman bedridden with cold. "I'll stay with you until you forget about me."

The old woman cough. Her throat was dry. Her skin pale as white. Her body was burning. The winter storm outside raged on. There was no one in the cabin but the little girl and the firefly in the lamp.

"Will I see them again?" the old woman asked. All her friends have left her in the winter cabin. Before the storm they came looking for aid. For the old woman was frail and weak. They looked for help. But one by one, their search for aid were never bountiful. Worst yet, none that sought returned.

"You will," the firefly in the lamp said. Though it was lie. The firefly in the lamp knew what happened. And certainly he knew what will happen. "You will see them again."

His last sentence was not a lie. All her friends are gone. And soon, the firefly knew, she will meet them.

"Would you care for me to stop the snow?" the firefly in the lamp asked. "Or would you want a warmer light to comfort you?"

The old woman cough some more.

"I'm thirsty," the old woman said.

"Look beside you," the firefly in the lamp said. A glass warm milk appeared beside the little girl. "It has been there waiting for you to drink. You must've have forgotten about it."

The old woman reached out, took the glass and drank. She was refreshed.

"Are you hungry?"

"The milk was good enough," the old woman said. She tucked herself in her blanket. She felt a bit better. "I don't think I have any appetite to eat. I want to eat with everyone."

"Is there anything that you'd like?"

"Tell me a story," the old woman asked.

"A story?" the firefly in the lamp was startled. Wasn't there anything she wanted? A company? A better place? Warm food? Better clothes? Why a story?

"Tell me a story while we wait for everyone," the old woman said. "But if it's too much. I'm fine with the silence as well. The wind blowing outside is good enough for me. It tells me whatever is happening outside-"

"I'll tell you a story," the firefly in the lamp reluctantly said. "I hope I'm good enough for you."

The old woman smiled.

"I'm not good enough for the world," the old woman confessed. "But it has ever been so kind to me to make me feel content with everything it gives me. Good friends that I know will never come. A warm milk that was never there. And a magical firefly that keeps me company while I'm at death's door.

"If it would be too much. I'd rather hear your voice while I drift to sleep. I hope that will be fine for you," the old woman said as she closed her eyes.

The firefly started speaking of lies, truths, the world before, after and beyond. And everything to nothing he knew. But all his stories went to deaf ears. The storm outside raged on.

The old Firefly and the little boy

"All your body aches right now, right?" the little boy asked. The firefly looked the boy, smiled and continued on. "Are you not bothered?"

"I'm not," the firefly said.

"Why? Why? There's no reason for you to do all these. No reason for you to do everything. There's no reason at all. Yet you-"

"I'm not bothered," the firefly said. He patted the little boy. He understood the little boy's worry. But he must continue what he does. It was almost over. It would be bothersome if he suddenly stop. And so, he must.

"You're dying."

"I'm fine," the firefly said. "Sooner or later, everybody dies anyway. But right now, I am fine. I apologize your worries are in vain, my little friend. But believe me, I am fine. I might look like it but I'm alright."

"Look at your wings, they're all tattered. There are holes everywhere. Your body are scratched all round. Bruises and dirt, here and there. My eyes do not lie. You are not fine, my dear firefly!"

The firefly suddenly stopped and sat on the ground.

"Would it ease your worry if I rest for a bit, my little friend?" the firefly said. "You're worried that I'll leave you one day, sooner or later. Right?"

The little boy firmed his face and held his tears. He shook his head. He lied. The firefly knew and smiled.

"You are a good kid," the firefly said. "If you're fine, would you care to hear a story? To at least spend our time while I rest."

The little boy's eyes widened. His worries were changed to enthusiasm. What will the firefly tell?

Poetry #152

I will

wait for

no one

And yet

the sun

came back.

He kept

at it

for all

his life.

The moon

is also

the same.

She kept

coming back.

Even so,

there are

those who

waits for

these two.

Poetry #151: Maybe definitely

Live forever
if you
have to

Just don't
die until
you're done.

You have
dreams right?
Chase them!

If you
are tired,
Go rest.

Everyone needs
a breathe
It's fine.

When you
feel lonely
find company.

Tell them
your dreams,
be brave.

It's alright
if they
don't understand.

What matter
is you
have faith.

In case
you can't
find company,

Find yourself,
Sometimes you'll
lose yourself

But it's
all fine.
Don't worry.

As long
as you
have dreams.

As long
as you
chase them.

As long
as you
have faith.

You will
get there.
Maybe definitely.

The Firefly and the Fairy Princess

"Or it could have gone the other way around," the firefly said.

"Other way around?" the fairy princess asked. "What do you mean?"

"I could have acted cooler then," the firefly said. "I could have met her there waiting for me. In the middle of the bridge. Even though I've lost my memories. I think I could have recovered it all once we met. I could have told her that she kept her promise. That she stayed with me all along, until now. That she was there.

"I could have smiled and it should have been me that have disappeared," the firefly paused and closed his eyes. "Can you picture it, fairy princess? There in the middle of the bridge, waiting for something. Gazing at the far off horizon. As if expecting something. As if waiting for something, for someone, for me. And there I was appearing out of no where.

"Our eyes meet. She smiles. I smile back. Before she could try speaking. I'll tell her. 'You kept your promise, thank you for being with me.' And then I'm the one suddenly vanishing. Being turn back to nothing. To million tiny blue lights. She should have been the one crying," the firefly's voice suddenly broke. His breathing became hard. Tears suddenly slid from his cheek. He was crying. "She should have been the one that lived. She didn't have to die. I should have been the one. Yet.."

The fairy princess hugged the firefly.

"She didn't have to die," the firefly said. "I should have died. Not her. She shouldn't have been the one to vanish. I should. She kept her promise. I know she did."

"She didn't lie," the fairy princess said.

"But she did!" the firefly said with doubt. "She did lie. She.. Did she lie?"

"She didn't." the fairy princess answered. "She was with you, right? She even waited for you. That's enough answer to your question. To your doubts. She didn't lie. You described her to have been wearing a smile with all honest. Unlike the rest of the smiles and happy faces you saw. She didn't lie!"

"But why did she have to die!" the firefly asked. "Why did she have to? Why?"

"I want to tell you that there will always be an end to every wonderful stories," the fairy princess answered. "But that would come out rude. It might hurt your feelings a little bit. But let me just say, even though I do not know whether she lived a wonderful life. I know for sure she died a wonderful death. She saved you-"

"I needed no saving," the firefly said nonchalantly.

"Still! That's what she had in her mind, she saved you. And even when she passed on to the afterlife, her mind, her last memory, will be herself doing an heroic act of saving the firefly prince. Even though she didn't know you were," the fairy princess said.

"I should have saved her," the firefly said. "I should have saved her. I should have-"

The fairy princess slapped the firefly. The firefly stopped his mumbling. His eyes became clear. He was, at that moment, pathetic in the presence of the fairy princess. He was unbecoming of him being the firefly prince.

"What, what I'm doing?" the firefly mumbled. He looked at the fairy princess. She was crying. "What's going on? Why are you crying, fairy princess? Who caused this?"

But just as he said that question. He realized it was his fault. He was not being himself. He acted lowly. He let his emotion ran him down. He wasn't supposed to be like that.

"My deepest apology, fairy princess," the firefly said as he took a handkerchief from his pocket and tried wiping the tears of the fairy princess. "It's my fault. I know. If you're mad at me, please do so. But please calm down. I don't want to see you crying."

"It's your fault, firefly," the fairy princess said. She pouted face. She was more annoyed than sad and mad. But she understood that the firefly have finally grasped himself. "You know-"

"There are things that just happens," the firefly interrupted. "I know that. But I guess, my emotion just took over me. It's my fault. I know. Please forgive me, fairy princess. I won't let it happen again."

The fairy princess continued to give him a cold shoulder. The firefly continued to console her. She was pouting for a while. But after a while, she smiled when finally the firefly also smiled.

"I guess even, firefly have regret, right?" the firefly said.

"Don't forget being overly emotional too," the fairy princess said.

"It's who I am though. Sometimes."

Suddenly the smile on the firefly's face vanished. The fairy princess noticed it.

"You know, you can go find here," the fairy princess said. "There are different worlds, a slight variation on each end but still the same."

"It's fine. I'll get over it, sooner or later," the firefly said. "We never actually knew each other, to be honest. Not to mention I never knew her name. Nor does she knew mine. I don't know about her as well though. Only thing I know of her was the smile she put up. They were true, honest and real. I guess, you sometimes have it, fairy princess."

The fairy princess smiled.

"There it is," the firefly said. "But for now, I have to go else where."

"Where are you going," the fairy princess asked. It was all too sudden and it had surprised her.

"Perhaps off to greater sky."

"Will you come back?"

"Maybe," the firefly said as he vanished to sparkling blue lights.

Poetry #150

Though the
two were
a few
inches, meters,
miles, worlds
or even
light years
away from
each other.,

A certain
lyrical words
connected them.

Somehow, I think she didn't

"I opened my eyes. At first I was catching my breath. All I saw were white. Nothing else. Then I saw the curtain. The table. The window. The metal railings. The soft bed I'm on. The soft pillow my head rested. The fluid on an upside down bottle. The long plastic cord from the bottle connected to my hand. The plastic device wrapped around my finger. The buzzing monitor beside me. All of it were all too surreal. I don't understand anything.

"I don't know who I was then," the firefly paused and looked at the moon. He basked in it for a while and continued. "If I do smoke, maybe I'd look awesome right now."

The fairy princess smiled. She doesn't like smoking. Yet maybe if the firefly were to do it. Mayhaps her outlook of it would change.

"I couldn't recall what happened. I was alive. That's all there was. But I've got this sinking feeling in me. Perhaps it was the odd dream that I had."

"So you lived?" the fairy princess asked.

"I sat up from the bed. I guess, by then I was too quick. Suddenly my vision swirled. My head ached. I wanted to vomit. I was nauseous. The buzzing monitor beside me alarmed. I don't know what was going on. I wanted to get out, was all that I was thinking. I slipped out of bed. The floor felt like dagger. The cold hue pierce through my sole. It'll warm up sooner or later. I need to get out of here, were the thoughts racing in my mind.

"Suddenly the cords linking my hands to the upside down bottle tagged at me. It wasn't letting me go. The pierced needle hurt a lot. But I need to get out. So I took it out. Then the device wrapped around my finger. I removed it and threw it away. None may shackle me, I thought. I don't know why but it felt like that."

"You felt heroic at that moment?" the fairy princess asked.

"No, I felt pathetic," the firefly said.

"So you felt heroic at that moment. So what happened next?"

The firefly sighed.

"And so you can tell if I lie, fairy princess. Looking back, I looked like an idiot. I looked like a pathetic piece of trash trying hard at doing something I don't even know what I was doing-"

"All heroes does that. A point in their life that they don't even know what there were doing and when they look back. They feel a bit shame and sometimes just like what you said, looked pathetic. But all heroes are like that," the fairy princess said. She smiled. "So what happened next?"

The firefly smiled. The fairy princess understood him.

"I got up." the firefly said. "And I fell down. I fell down on my knees. All that heroism I felt were just empty. I was weak to begin with. I wasn't strong. I wasn't strong enough to stand up right. But I did manage to get back up. I grabbed the railing of my bed and slowly got up. It was a hurdle. At least, that's what I felt. But somehow I managed to got up. I don't know why but I took the rod the upside bottle was hanging and used it as a cane. I must stand up, I must get out."

"You shouldn't have removed the IV drip if you're either way going to take it with you," the fairy princess.

"I didn't know what it was for," the firefly confessed. "But even so, I managed. With the aid of the rod, I was able to get to the door and open it. The hallway was more lit and bright than the room I was in. There were not much soul floating around and those who are wearing in either green or white just smiled at me. I did not know why but I felt like they were all wearing masks. The smiles they put weren't real. I thought I was in prison at that time. But even still, I must get out.

"I walked around wearing nothing more but the long sleeve shirt and sleeping pants. I don't know what was happening but when I thought I finally regain much of my strength I left the upside down bottle and got out of the building," the firefly said.

"So you escaped?"

"Yes. The cold night air was more pleasant than the atmosphere inside that place. The moon looking down at me was more than welcoming that the bed I had in the infirmary. The clouds and the stars are all silently watching me. Everything outside felt more I'm in the right place, rather than inside that prison."

"But it wasn't a prison," the fairy princess said. "It's a hospital."

"I know. I just didn't know at that moment," the firefly stopped speaking. He felt embarrassed of his story.

"You still felt heroic, right?" the fairy princess asked. But the firefly didn't respond. "Hey? Hey? Are you mad, firefly prince? Hey? I want to listen more to your story. Hey! Firefly prince!"

The firefly was too embarrassed to speak more. He blatantly ignored the fairy princess. The fairy princess suddenly hurled her fist to the firefly's stomach.

"Firefly prince!" the fairy princess angrily said. "Continue your story!"

The firefly was taken by surprised. He wasn't aware the fairy princess can do such act and he wasn't expecting her to be that strong. He coughed. He wanted to get out. Just crawl himself away. But he made a mistake of glancing at the eyes of the fairy princess. Him trying to put an act was in vain. The fairy princess knows him too well.

The firefly got up and bowed to the fairy princess.

"My apology, to you fairy princess," the firefly said. "But I felt like you are making fun of me. And so I concluded to just end it there. You know I hate it when people think of what I do as jest. And here we are talking a bit of my past-"

"You're thinking lowly of me, firefly prince?" the fairy princess's eyes suddenly turned red. "How dare you!"

"Alright, alright, I'll continue the story," the firefly said as he pleaded for his life and tried his best to calm the fairy princess.

"What happened next!" the fairy princess ordered. The firefly smiled.

"Would you mind telling me what happened next, fairy princess?" the firefly asked with a smirk.

"Don't get over yourself, firefly!" the fairy princess angrily said as she readied her fist but immediately the firefly appeared behind her. As she instinctively hurled her fist, she immediately stopped. She saw a different firefly standing next to her. His eye have somehow changed. He wasn't mad or being boastful. He was smiling.

"I was just merely asking you what you expected me to have done next, my dear fairy. But if you do insist, I'll continue on. Though I doubt you'd find the next act to be as fascinating and as interesting as when I told you she lied to me."

The fairy princess was stepped back. The firefly in front of her. He was different than earlier.

"I apologize if my playful side is always showing. It's just how I am. But if need be, I can be different. Or rather I will be different," the firefly said. "So where were we. Oh! That's right, when I left the hospital. All said was the truth. I never knew it was a hospital until I regained my memory. I'm ashamed to say this but that time of me forgetting things was just brief.

"I walked through the park of the hospital and out of its gate. I don't know where I was back then and so even though I wanted to run. I just walked. My barefoot was killing me then. My soles were hurting as I take a step forward. All I thought was just getting away as far as possible. I don't even know where I was going. And I don't even know how I came to be a human.

"I walked and walked. As I've said earlier, all the sky and world are my witnesses. I don't remember anything at all. I just wanted to escape. I was exhausted. My breathing became heavier. There was a point when I wanted to stop but I just have to. And so I walked on.

"I only stopped when I cam across a bridge. It wasn't a big bridge that crosses many cars, people and dreams to different place. But just a small bridge overlooking the sky, the ocean and a far off horizon. I don't know how but she was there. Standing in the middle of the bridge. Looking at the sky, the ocean and the far off horizon. She was there. She wore that same suit she had when we boarded her airplane. She had the same smile. The only smile knew then that was real.

"Yet, I could see through her. I could literally see right through her. That's what was different from her. It seemed that she was fading. I approached her as she was looking at the distant. When I got closed, she turned and looked at me. She said, 'I kept my promise.' And that was that."

"So you saw a ghost?" the fairy princess asked.

"I saw her." the firefly said as he suddenly collapsed.

"That was when you regained your memory, right? A short-lived amnesia. But it somehow made a different personality in you."

"You could say that," the firefly said. "Even though she lied. Somehow, I think she didn't."

Poetry #149: How to live forever

"What would
you do
to live
on forever?"

"Become an
unforgettable memory."

"Memory? How
to become
a memory?"

"Live a
beautiful life."

"If I
could not
live a
beautiful life?"

"Die a
beautiful death."

"I can't
live forever
in case
I die."

"Would like
to try?"

Poetry #148

Don't worry,
It's fine
to cry.

Don't worry
about everyone.
It's alright.

I know
you have
been through
a lot.

Don't worry.
Thing's will
be fine.
Everything's alright.

I'm here,
so don't
worry, alright?

Though you
haven't noticed.
I've been
here since
the start.

"She lied," the firefly said.

"An angel once took me to greater sky," the firefly said. "I didn't know at first but she placed me inside a bottle. She said it would keep me from burning up. I didn't know what it meant. But then again, to be honest, I thought she had caged me. I was afraid at first. Wasn't that what anyone would thought if someone suddenly placed you inside a prison of some sort?

"And so she took me. She had greater wings than I have. She wore different armor and a shiny mask. I don't know what they were for but she felt most comfortable in that attire. Though I wouldn't mind seeing her face even that would have been possible. And then we took flight.

"The bottle I was in was shaking. She held me in her arms while her hands held something I do not know of. We were also in a jar of some sort, but I don't know if she'd call it a jar. All I saw was glasses behind the glass I am in. I looked at her and like wise our glances met. Though it was brief, she was worried about me.

"'Don't worry,' was what she said to me. As her eyes avert from mine back to the sky. I closed my eyes then. I was really afraid of what was going to happen. I held onto the side of the bottle I'm in. I didn't know why but it felt worse than floating in it. But I didn't have enough strength to muster myself. I was afraid of what was happening.

"And then she said, 'open your eyes, we are here.' To which I did. And there I saw, many stars a bit closer from the scenery I'm used to but nonetheless far away from my reach. The clouds around us were like fog from the river I usually fly by at night and as for the moment, it was the one thing that had been ever closer to me. Other than her, of course.

"She took off her mask. I saw her face, under the moonlight, her smile and eyes were more beautiful than ever. I wished that moment lasted long. But of course, it was just a moment.

"She took a deep breath as if inhaling the air outside the glass we are in. I did the same. Somehow, I tasted it too. It was different. Breathing from a different altitude was not the same from the ground. It felt heavier and yet have more depth. 'Is this your first time seeing this place?' she then asked me. And I said, 'yes.' I doubted she could hear me behind this jar I'm in but her smile affirmed it.

"Then I confessed to her, 'I love you,' She wasn't looking at me. She must have not heard what I said. She must not have read the words I formed with my lips. She was looking at the stars. Was she always like that? I asked myself. We just met and I doubt if ever she knew me.

"Suddenly she said: 'I love you.' Words I just said, coming out of her lips. She heard me. She knew. She felt it. My eyes widen, my chest tightened, and my heart beat fast. We're in the sky and we're in love.

"It was all like a dream to me until she continued speaking, 'that's what I told him. But even so, she loved someone else.' Her eyes seemed to have shone sparkly. Waters are forming beneath it. She was crying. Yet the smile on her lips was most unusual. How can one cry and smile at the same time?

"It broke my heart. To million pieces at least. She was beautiful and yet I was in pain. But her words, I'm sure. She was in pain as well. Suddenly, on my cheeks slithered cold water. I was too late to notice but with her I was crying. I tried to hid it. But she saw it. The little firefly she was holding was crying.

"She opened the jar and with her careful hands tried wiping my tears for me. 'You're crying, little firefly? Is it you're crying for me?' is what she thought. But in truth, she was the reason I was crying. But then I can't tell her that. Who am I to her, anyway? And so I steeled myself. Dried my emotions and braved it so that I won't cry, right in front of her. I smiled that most fake and forced smile ever I did in my life after fixing myself.

"She wouldn't want someone pitying or crying for her when she was all down like that, all humans are like that, right? So I tried to make her smile. I wanted her to forget about everything she was sad about. And so I succeeded. I flew here and there around her as we flew across the sky. She was laughing and amazed at what I did. Or so I thought. She suddenly told me to, 'stop trying hard and lying to yourself. You're sad, right? I just told you something about me, little firefly. I just wanted you to feel how I really feel. Even though I got rejected, I apologize that I nonchalantly spoke how I felt. Somehow, little firefly, I think I'm in love with you too.'

"But then again, it's a love that must not be. She stared at my eyes as mine stared at hers. At that moment we were captivated through each other's depth. Time must've suddenly stopped. I don't know why but it felt like the world just did. The shaking I felt riding that glass with her was no more. The voice of the air and the cloud as we soared through was not to be heard. At that frozen still moment, along with our audience, the star, the moon and the earth down below, we were lovers. Of some sort.

"But as I've said, it was a love that must not be. Even fate held it high. Somehow suddenly, we heard a loud crash from behind us. I couldn't remember well but I saw her looking back and forth. She was confused. Panicking. She did not know what to do. And then I saw fire. I got scared and so I flew back to the cage she held me. I was afraid. I don't want to die. I was afraid.

"And then I heard her say, 'don't worry. Everything's alright. I'm here. Don't be scared. I won't leave you. I promise you that.' I would have been convinced that she was lying were it not for the smile she put up. I don't know what happened but I just have faith her and closed my eyes. She lied to me though."

"What happened next?" the fairy princess asked.

"She lied," the firefly said.

Poetry #147

Suddenly the
world bowed.

It never
did before.

But now
it just.

For the
little bird
was all
too precious
for everyone

And no
one wished
her dead.

And so
everyone, even
the world
begged for
the little
bird to
be alive.

But she
rejected all
of them.

'It wouldn't
be fair,'
was her
final thought.

Poetry #146

Even so
I cannot
fly to
your arms.

You who
have went
to greater
heights and
higher sky.

You who
have basked
most in
the warmth
of the
gentle sun.

You who
have told
whispers and
adventures to
the sky
children and
mother moon.

You who
have seen
the world
beneath your
beautiful wings.

To your
arms I
cannot come.

With wings
like mine,
to be
by your
side is
nothing more
but a
fleeting dream.

Poetry #145

Of course
it was
a lie.

I just
wanted to
see your
lips smile.

That's all,
nothing else.

If ever
you actually
believed me.

I'd give
you credit.

I thought
I was
in love
as well.

The Knight Errant's Dilemma

"In case you haven't realized it yet, you aren't the hero," a deep enigmatic voice spoke in the mind of a knight-errant. "Advocacy of justice and order does not have to suit your chivalry."

The knight stopped his wayward horse. He was both baffled and relieved. If he wasn't the hero he thought he was, then who was he?

"But you must be a knight," a light rhythmic voice spoke. "First and foremost you are a knight, since birth, trained and until now."

That's right, he's a knight after all. Even if he wasn't the hero, he should act accordingly. It was engraved in his soul, etched in every bit of himself. He is a knight and a knight he should be.

"You're just a pawn," the first voice said. "A measly sacrificial pawn. Nameless and expendable. Orders from the higher ups are your law. You cannot break them. You must obey."

"Like a puppet?" the second voice asked. "With invisible strings attached?"

"No, just pawns. Though they maybe the same, their value isn't," the first voice argued. "A puppet can hold emotion and thus be valued more as for pawns, they have no face, they have no value. They can be replaced as many time as possible. Even if one pawn is missing, the game may still continue or rather another pawn may replace it."

"Right? But don't you just see them as puppets? They have ranks, names and faces after all."

"Trivial matters."

The knight clenched his fist and gritted his teeth. He does not like what he was hearing.

"Yet somehow, this pawn here wants none of that," the first voice said.

"Clear as a day," the second voice said. "His emotion are overflowing. See, he is shaking.

The knight was shaking in anger. He was ready to burst and just go  berserk.

"I wonder what would change his fate somehow," the first voice said.

"What about a revolution? A coup? Probably poison one of the ministers? Or mayhaps a straight stab in the heart to the crowned prince?" the second voice asked.

"Are you inciting our little puppet here?" the first voice alluringly asked. "But I don't think our little puppet cannot act any of that. He's nothing more than just a puppet. He can't do any of that.

"What shame," the second voice said. "And here I thought our little knight is ready to cut the strings and lead. Pity."

"I'll do it!" the knight-errant said. "I will kill the king!"

Later that evening the knight, veiled in the shadow of the night, went on to do his deed. The two voices guided. Everything went smoothly from his unnoticed entrance to the castle and unannounced visit to the sleeping king. He was one with the shadow as he sneaked silently, unbecoming of an honorable knight but of a petty thief.

He wanted to be a hero. And so he must cut off these strings chained on him. He must be free. He was no mere pawn. He knew himself better. He was destined for something great. Not just some nameless no body and easily expendable. He was picturing himself basking in the glory of tomorrow. His greatness was at hand.

He entered the king's chamber and there saw the sleeping king. He readied his knife. Just a single slit, like cutting through a love letter, and it will all be over. He will be free.

"Is this right?" suddenly one of the voice said. "To what end is this deed you are doing?"

The knight suddenly stopped. His blade a hair's length away from the throat of the sleeping king.

"Surely there is another way," the other voice said. "This is not the only way, right?"

The knight was shocked. He just only realized now his misdeed he was about to commit. What was he doing?

The knight stepped back away from the sleeping king. But the king heard a rustle and immediately roused.

"Who goes there?" the king shouted. Then he saw the knight with a knife in hand. "Guards! To me!"

-/_ -

"And soon after the incident, the knight errant was executed for attempted murder on the king," a light yet sinister voice spoke.

"You planned it that way, curious one?" an enigmatic deep voice asked.

"Was it not a great story?" the first voice asked.

"So you had his hopes up and when he finally have his resolve, you made him question it," the second voice said. "It's quite a task. You had me lie all the way too."

"I wasn't lying though."

"You aren't?"

"I do not like lying," the first voice said. "That's how I felt for him though. Nothing more but a well made puppet. He has his own value but still he was only just a puppet. Nothing more."

"Are you not sad for him, curious one?"

"I'd be more melancholic if the puppet noticed his strings in the first place."

"I don't like your idea, curious one."

"Was it too evil for you, evil one?"

"Mayhaps so."

"Would you mind if we continue doing it this way?"

The deep enigmatic voice sighed.

"Fine."

The Firefly King's Order was a Dilemma

"One day, I'll become memory too," the firefly king said. "Soon enough, you'll forget about me."

The little girl, with necklace made of rope marks, went to the firefly king and hugged him tight. She was breathing heavily. She wanted not to cry and so she tried her best not to. But the firefly king noticed it. He knew it already ever since they met. He knew of what will happen next.

"Don't go!" the little girl said.

"But I won't go anywhere else," the firefly king said. "I'll be by your side."

"You disappearing in my memory, everything we've been through, you're entire existence. All of it will be gone. It's the same as you leaving."

"It's alright," the firefly king said. "What matter is that I'll be with you."

"It's not alright!" the little girl angrily. "You'll be hurt. I know right now you don't feel it. But thinking about, it hurts here."

The little girl pointed at her chest.

"I know you're feeling it too," the little girl continued. "You're just putting a strange mask. You're lying!"

The firefly king was taken aback of the little girls revelations. She knew him too much from the little time that the two have spent.

"Soon after I've forgotten about you, I won't feel anything. You may be there but I won't know you. That's what hurts! It will be my fault that you're hurting. It hurts me right now! I don't want that!"

The firefly king smiled.

"Is that so?"

The little girl embraced the firefly king more tightly. She failed to notice the firefly king's smile.

"You don't hate me, right?" the firefly king said.

"I hate you!"

The firefly king knew she was mad. But she doesn't hate him.

"How about this," the firefly king said. "What if I order you to forget about me?"

The little girl suddenly stopped sobbing. She looked up to the firefly king.

"That's not fair-"

But before she knew it. The firefly king smiled and vanished to faint blue lights.  She was there alone. She was crying but she do not know why.

Poetry #144

You were
looking for
her, right?

She was
your first
love and
you, hers.

Who would
have easily
forget that?

And now
after your
lovely dream
you're now
looking for
her, right?

But why
only now?

You've spent
all your
time wasting
on trivialities.

Why only
now are
you looking
for her?

Or mayhaps
you've forgotten
she is
always by
your side.

And now,
you just
made her
fall in
love one
more time.

She's right
there, look!

Poetry #143

Soon after
the little
boy remembered.

Thee fairy
princess was
with him

by his
side all
this time.

But he
seemed to
have forgotten.

She stayed
with him

from the
start up
until now.

She never
left his
side always.

Poetry #142

What if it happens nonetheless?
Even though it was both their first time

Even though, with all their hearts,
They truly love each other,

Somehow, their love just wouldn't
come true.

Somehow, their memories of each
other won't remain.

Would it still be love?
Or just some silly puppy love?

Random Thought while watching "good librarian like a good shepherd"

"Don't worry," the fairy princess said. "You won't remember that we did this."

They kissed. The human boy and the princess of the fairies kissed. It will be a memory forever etched in her mind but to the boy, he'll eventually forget about it. It was part of the princess's duty. She was given all the powers one needs in the world to protect and commit oneself to preserving order and balance. But to a price of memory.

Sooner or later, one the boy grew up, he will no longer see her nor will he still remember her. It would be like she never existed.

Fairy Princess cannot love after all. They cannot be unjust, show prejudice and have favorites. They have to be fair to all. So at the very least, to themselves they mustn't be fair.

-/_ -

But what if the child didn't want to forget? What if the child didn't want to grow up? Would he still see and remember her?

In all honesty, he was in love, for the first time and forever in his life. He was in love.

Is it just puppy love or a love that transcends everything else?

That is, if the boy is truly in love in the first place.

-/_ -

After all, that was her and his first kiss. Would anyone forget about it?

Poetry #141

But of course he just wanted to be free,
He cared less of the recognition,
the praises and the awards.

All those are mere trivial
to what he truly desires.
He wanted to be free.

But in the end he must choose,
to stay committed to a goal
or be a salvation to everyone else.

What else bothered him are
the sweetness coating the words:
promises and expectations.

He cannot be free.