A Firefly's Monologue #8

"Why do you travel?"

"The same with every travellers there are: to go somewhere," said the firefly.

"We all do that. So am I traveller too?"

"Do you want to go somewhere?"

"I.. I guess so, yes."

"Do you happen to know why?"

"It's because I need to be there where ever I want to go."

"And?"

"Nothing else."

The firefly smiled.

"Memories. We all travel to get somewhere. We all travel to learn new things. We all travel to keep ourselves burning. We all travel to live. But essentially: it is memories that enrich our soul; it is memories that satisfy our heart.

"Do you know why? Memories could save our lives."

"How?"

"Don't you remember? It is one of the many things we could pay for, pay for something in exchange for something."

"Memories? Do you mean the things we've learned, gained and experienced?"

The firefly smiled. He wanted to laugh but decided not to.

"You have not travelled enough to see the strings like I do," the firefly said.

A Firefly's Monologue #7

"There was once a fairy who cried for her heroine. Have I told you of that?"

"This is the first time you're mentioning."

"Out of the many fairies that I've met, she was the first fairy I've seen who cried in hopes of making a mistake."

"Hopes of making a mistake? She did what was right, so why cry?"

"Not all good things, shine. So the saying goes. That fairy hardly have any connections with her heroine. In fact, the heroine blantantly ignore the fairy's advice. You could even say that she hated her.

"Still, she knows what's good for the heroine and what lies in her heroine's heart. Do you know why she cried, the fairy?"

"Did the heroine fell from grace?"

"No, it's not about the heroine. The heroine did well. The fairy betrayed herself. Even when she knew it was good and all, that was not the heroine wanted. Still, she pushed her through to it.

"The heroine surpass all her trials and became a hero. But the fairy knew she wasn't happy. The fairy above all else wanted her to be happy. But she couldn't. It was her duty after all to set her on the right path. But she knew what was in the heroine's heart. Though she would had if she did have the chance, she didn't. It was her sworn duty after all.

"In the process, she betrayed herself."

"The heroine wanted to be evil?"

"No, she wasn't. The heroine just wanted to be happy. The fairy wanted her to be happy. Heroism has its own price as well. Sacrificing one's happiness is one of them."

"What happened to the fairy and the heroine?"

"The heroine continued to be a hero. As for the fairy, she let the heroine take a path closer to her happiness, in the hopes the heroine could find a way to her own happiness."

Anime Thoughts: Pet Girl of Sakurasou

To be honest, I felt it missed on the execution of it's resolution. The climax was on point and even the falling action. I could say it's one of the many animation series I've watched that would mark a great deal in my heart. But, I felt the ending to be lacking something: the growth of the main character.

The Pet Girl of Sakurasou is a growing up type of anime, it depicts journeys of various student in thr Sakurasou dormitory.

It's amazing how the writer seamlessly portrayed the various live of each student in the dormitory. It was like Tzusure Children but more connected.

What is up with Sakurasou dormitory, you might ask. It is a dormitory for the students that were outcasted by society or a place where people who cannot stay in the maim dormitory of their campus, for whatever reason there is.

The residents of the Sakurasou can be divided into three types: one, are the geniuses, those three characters that are gifted and will very much have a bright future; two, the one who normal but tries their hard, those three character who strive to do their best but for somewhat machination happening, all of their sacrifices were fruitless. Something the anime kept on portraying as the real life; and three, the house, it is the one person that portrayed the house in it's greatness and silence, it is there when push comes to shove.

But I don't want to go pretty much in depth to the whole story. Though I do want to say that holistically, if you're to watch it for the growth of the characters, you may or you may not feel altogether content with what happens in the end. So basically, you must not view the characters to have one particular lead/main. You must have one main character you are rooting for in order to appreciate what is happening, remember a Tzuresure Children done seamlessly.

I rooted for Kanda Sorara but I found his resolve and growth lacking in the end of the series which made me feel that the series as whole wasn't up to par to how much time I've invested in it. But that is if you're looking at the characters and their story, which is a great deal would be about when you do, right?

But somehow, I feel it's wrong, ir rather it lacks something. It was later on that I've realized that it wasn't the characters and the story that we should only be aware about.

We should also be aware of how symbolical Shiina Mashiro is.

I would like apologize to the writer of the title if I misunderstood it at first.

Shiina Mashiro was portrayed to be a great genius there is and though how weird she can be she will succeed at whatever that she do. But that's not the only case on how to view her.

If we replace Shiina Mashiro as an actual pet, let say a cat, we would see the uncanny resemblance that she does and how the other character interacts with her. Amazingly seamlessly it was executed.

The part that revealed it to me was when Shiina Mashiro tries to make Kanda Sorata feel better with what makes her feel good. The bread that she kept giving to him which probably he didn't realized it. Even at the end.

It was a bit heartbreaking to see Shiina Mashiro a genius trying so hard to fit in a world she could not understand. If only I was looking at Shiina as a pet and not as a person/child while I watched that scene. She couldn't understand what was going on. She wanted to something for Kanda Sorata, other than her drawing.

And so she thought of giving Kanda Sorata one of her favorite food, the bread whatever flavor that was. But over and over again, Kanda Sorata did not see it in her way and so, she pushed her.

But not strong enough for Shiina Mashiro to up and leave him and the dorm. Was it she was weak or was it how it always go with our pets? Not that we get mad at them but with how they will just stay there for you even if they don't understand you and how they understand you is different from how you want to be understood.

Shiina Mashiro wanted Kanda Sorata to be happy and so she gives him something that does make her happy. But he was blind to it.

Fortunately, Kanda Sorata knows it too. He knew that he was wrong and that he was just jealous of how talented and gifted she were. And so even after all the harshness he did, he went back to her and reconcile with her. He do really care about her afterall. And somehow, it was only Shiina Mashiro that Kanda Sorata thought who would unbiasly hear him out. Just like how masters usually do with their pets when they feel unease in their heart.

I hope there will be a second season, though I already spoiled myself and read some summary of what is to happen. I wish to see more growth of Kanda Sorata. He's the main lead I rooted for in the beginning, anyway. And also of the cliffhanger and the cast.

Again, look at it symbolically and you might enjoy it fully if you ever watch it for the first time or rewatching. It's a nice watch.

I'll be watching 'my room mate is a cat,' soon after by the way. In case you're wondering, I got this idea of Pet Girl of Sakurasou in a clip from said anime. So, yeah, no points for me.

A Firefly's Monologue #6

"Even fairies have feelings too."

"Fairies?"

"Those who cannot see the strings, see them as fairies. And those with faith see them as miracles."

"String?"

"They do things without having others ask. They can reshape the world if they have to, don't you know? They have this great power within them. And when they choose a person they'd with be to the end, they would truly be their by their side, always.

"It hurts me sometimes that only a few would notice them. They don't have anything in particular magnificient, if that's what you think of them, it's that, they work themselves so hard for things tongo their way. And it hurts me more in case things that they want doesn't exactly goes.

"They don't have anything to begin with. They were no hero to do feats. They are not grand magicians to just magically make things happen. They just push on through with what they have and try their hardest to do what they could just do.

"They cry too, if you're wondering. Much like the monuments and buildings of old that show tears of crack from their aged corners. Much like the sky when they could hold it no longer.

"Even fairies have feelings too."

"I'm lost with what you are saying right now."

"If people could only recognize what they were. If people could only see how hard they are trying. Maybe those who have faith would always see miracle. Even the minute ones.

"I'm sorry, what was your question again?"

A Firefly's Monologue #5

"Are all worlds worth travelling?"

"Yes."

"Are all the worlds you've travel to worth travelling?"

"No."

"You just said-"

"There are worlds I went to and immediately left. Worlds, that once upon a time, I thought would great to tread on. But shortly after, I regretted going there and just left."

"So not all worlds are world travelling to then? You just contradicted yourself."

"I once travelled to a world of magic and fantasy. It was all amusing and interesting to me."

"The people there?"

"The tales and the heroics. All of them were all that mattered. I never heeded the words, the stories of the people there. I was only interested in the way of the world that there is in that."

"Don't you have those kind of powers youself?"

"I have not yet realized it. I thought back then that we all only lived in one world. So my travels to different world were like I'm travelling to different country."

"What of the people? What of their stories?"

"I paid no heed to those. In my eyes then, magic are all the brilliance that sparks the heart. But it wasn't.

"There's more to it than magic alone that lits a spark in the heart."

"That was when you were still young or when you just started your travel?"

"We grow up, at one point. Though not everyone wants to, we will. And when we do, we change. We may not be aware of it but soon you'll notice."

The firefly let loose his wings.

"What happened next?"

"It was vague at first, but slowly I came to realize there was more to it than magic. There were more than those fantasy and lores that I was most fascinated about. There were people. There were soul surrounding me on those places I went to.

"At that point, the magic spells and chants suddenly grew bland. Words of each person I met were more compared to those.

"But I am not saying magic is worthless. They are part of what made those world."

"You grew up."

"They are all worth travelling to. But you do not have to force yourself to go to where you do not want.

"But for you to know what you want or not, you must first travel to a world, blindly or with bias. And then decide whether you'd stay there for a while then leave or see it through."

A Firefly's Monologue #4

"What did it feel when you return to worlds you've been through after a very long?"

"It takes time for me to go back to a world I once travelled."

"What for?"

"To ask myself questions."

"Questions?"

"Will they remember me? Will I remember them? Do I need to come back?"

"Why?"

"To rekindle a certain heart beat and a certain heart ache. We need those. Our heart and soul needs rekindling."

"Your light never seemed to wane. Why does your heart need it much more your soul?"

"I wouldn't want to forget anything."

Poetry #178

The little girl came back

to her happy hometown.

There reigned a tyrant

who's hands requires

the people to never cry.

In the middle of the square,

the little girl's fair

father motionless lying

on his smiling face.

He was bruised;

He was battered;

badly injured

all over.

But the little girl's father

was a man who obeys law.

Even in death,

though tyranny dictates,

The dead body of her father,

Though miserable to look,

smiles at death's door.

The little girl smiled

as she was taught by her father.

On her cheek rained,

on a cloudless autumn evening.

A Firefly's Monologue #3

"It always surprise me in my travels, how a world parallels with another. Be it a paradise in the middle of a desert or an island lost at sea. They can both be connected no matter opposite they could be.

"Once I went to the happiest place, a little child once told me, and there suddenly, tears ran down my cheek."

"You were crying?"

"I did," the firefly said. "For some reason, I just felt doing."

"Was it you're unable to stay that made you cry?"

"No. Not anymore. It was just like that once. I wanted to cling on, to stay and keep myself from moving. But life must go on. And in these worlds I travel, I cannot.

"But I don't think that's the whole point now. There were things in those world I'm particular with that resonated within me.

"Pieces of the universe, for a few moment, attaches to my soul."

"Maybe things that picqued your interest?"

"Yes, things that suddenly perfectly connected to my heart but only for a brief moment. Thus at those, I am reminded of some things: memory; regrets; dreams; possibilities; and the likes.

"My heart just couldn't handle it. So, it fills up and over the brim and my soul just spills."

"Can you say you're happy when it happens?"

"There a bit of hurt from within. But I am, at those moments."

Poetry #177

Know this and remember,

one day when you've gone

so far and high,

your memories will give way

and crumble.

Even someone you hold dear

and cherish most,

you will forget about them.

But no matter where you are

or how much you've forgotten,

your heart will always be connected

to the universe.

Poetry #176

Her smile though hides

intent and malice

Have faded.

She no longer grin

nor smirk.

At that moment,

she cry.

A picture no

one saw happening.

And in her eyes

her wish for

a happy end

she knows

she's undeserving.

She's just like

everyone

afterall.

She wanted to be happy.

A Firefly's Monologue #2

"Did the father did what was right?"

"It depends on the perspective."

"He lied to his daughter."

"That was for her sake. Any parent can go to that length for their child. The whole world could deem him at fault but that isn't his sin. No parent can be blamed for that.

"If it's for his child whatever thing he do, it is never a sin. A lie, no matter how grave or white it is, if a parent does it for his/her child, it is not a sin. I refuse to call it so."

"And yet you call him a sinner?"

"Yes."

"If lying wasn't his sin. What is?"

"He's a liar."

"But you just said-"

"He lied to himself."

"What was his punishment?"

"A few years of memory."

"What about his daughter?"

"She found out."

"Did she hated him after?"

"She grew up."

"For the better?"

"For the better."

A Firefly's Monologue #1

"So, what happened to the girl who wished to save her hero?"

"She kept her promise," the firefly said.

"Was it tragic?"

"For those who couldn't understand, it was."

"You felt nothing in her tale? In her bravery, her sacrifice? Nothing at all?"

"It wasn't tragic. She lived her life heroically," the firefly smiled. It was bittersweet.

"The hero, what happened to him?"

"He was saved."

"Did the girl lived a happy life?"

"Does that matter?"

"Did she die a beautiful death?"

"They couldn't be together in the end. But her soul, her soul was with him. And he knew."

A Firefly's Dilemma

"What happens to the worlds you went by and you've forgotten about?"

"I don't remember," the firefly said. "But those I've visited will always be carved out in my heart."

"Why do you wish to forget?"

"I want to go back to each and everyone of them."

"Why don't you?"

"There are more worlds I must visit. And I cannot for the life of me be in more than one place at a time."

"But you have time, right?"

"Will they remember me?" the firefly said.

Poetry #175

The sea stares back

as you gaze

Even if the golden

hour have passed.

Were you not aware

of the miracles?

Or were you, in

your eyes, drowning?

Quarantine Thoughts: #5

I never liked the journey, if that's what you're going to ask. I don't like any of it at all. The every duties, the grueling tasks, the daily routines. All of it. I just don't like any of it. Everyday, things just gets harder and harder. It's true we could relax every now and then but.. I just hate it.

It's the company, in case you're wondering I stayed.

I don't have a good memory, so in a few years or two, I would have forgotten what happened. But those guys, those with us, I'm sure I'd remember them. Probably would need just a bit of rekindling and I'm sure it would be like only a few days that have passed.

We're all connected, right?

Poetry #174

I just have to read deeper on each line,

right?

Each words, each rhymes, each pronunciation it sounds,

I just have to feel it,

right?

But no one said that I should be reading it between pages,

between chapters,

between title,

I didn't know.

It wouldn't make sense if that's how it goes,

though.

But then again,

there was no one to fall in love with.

Was I reading a novel?

-_-

You made your life so beautiful, that when your story finally came to an end. I can't help wonder why I couldn't cry.

But then when I remember you, only after a little while. Probably a few days, weeks, months or even years. Only when you suddenly came to me, in a memory or perhaps it was even a dream, that I started crying.

--

written for "I Want to Eat your Pancreas" movie anime. I don't know if ever I wrote it somewhere in this blog the justice it deserve. I cried.

P.s.

I just finished watching "Your Lie in April," it's happening again. I couldn't cry yet.

Poetry #173

And if you

can't cry, anymore.

But you still

have more tears

Bottled up.

The world, the

universe and everything

in it will

make a miracle

for you.

You're drowning from

the inside, right?

And whatever that

miracle is,

Be it someone

crying in your

instead, you will

be saved.

-_-

Come to think of it, miracles are what's born out of our own selfishness and the world's desire for silence. It hears, the world hears, over and over and over again our pleas, our falling tears, our wishes, our dreams. It hears all of it.

And the world will be like: "Okay, I give up. I will help you."

Poetry #172

It's unfair,

and that

is reality.

The world

will remind

us of

sorrow and

that one

single pain

that we

try avoided.

But if

that's what

it would

take us

for growth.

The world

will conspire.

We must

go through

it first.

No escaping,

no ignoring.

We must

face it,

whatever it

is that's

needed for

us to

go on.

It will

be painful.

You've felt

it before.

It's unfair

and that

is reality.

But if

that's what

it would

take us

for growth.

The world

will oblige.

Quarantine Thoughts: #4

Aren't they the one who truly fell in love with us first? No, seriously. They're their as far as memories could remember. It's them that tells them of further dreams, no matter how wild it could get. It's them who taught them about magics, promises and probably something about the hero themselves are not aware of.

They couldn't the voice of the world like you do. They couldn't see the signs, let alonr the miracle you're preaching. But they believe you. They might laugh at your silliness sometimes, but that's just how they are. In fact, in truth they respect you and whatever you say whole heartedly accept it. Your dreams, though unrelated to theirs. Your lies, though it could get annoying at times and sometimes very pitiful. But they are there.

They're the fairies we give so little credit about. The light that we water down as if just a dimness that is outshine by our names. We take them truly for granted. But they are still there.

And finally, when the hero is done with his journey, it's not them that they fell in love with.

But I'm pretty sure they're just nearby. And the hero knows they're there.

Poetry #171

And when you attract the light

Don't look away,

Don't close your eyes,

It's there.

It's there

Where you wanted to be,

right?

It will guide you.

Don't be afraid of it.

If you feel like it would burn you,

let it.

Let it burn through your very soul.

Let it ignite your spirit.

Poetry #170

And in case,

should you wonder,

the world will

let you, only,

on what matters.

Nothing more and

certainly nothing less.

Quarantine Thoughts: #3

I don't know how but I just suddenly felt in love. It mustn't have been your hair. It mustn't have been your eyes. Is it your smile? Your voice? The way you act; your little gestures; the way you treat others.

I don't know. It's just knowing you're there suddenly made me feel I have a reason for living. Suddenly, this world I'm in, it's not so empty after all.

Poetry #169

This isn't the

ending you want.

This isn't your

happy ever after.

Would like to

wake up now

or would you

keep on lying?

Poetry #168

What if the

dreams you have

are not yours

to begin with.

What if those

dreams you achieved,

worked hard for,

sacrificed a lot,

are not yours?

Will you dream

a different dream?

or will you

live with it?

Poetry #167

It would just hurt,

actually,

For you to finally

achieve

The dreams you long

wanted.

Only to find you,

sorrow.

You're suddenly not

happy.

There's a better dream

unattainable.

Within reach but never

meant.

Your thoughts just suddenly

wonder.

Quarantine Thoughts: #2 the rainbow

On my way to work the other day, I notixed something different. There was a rainbow in the sky. I guessed, it sticked on to me, being dramatic and all. I just like looking at a sunny sky. Though I would have wanted if there were fewer cables and roofs to block my view. Even still, sunny sky with a bit clouds here and there, is the best view. To me at, least. Remember when I talked about 'cloud tracing,' when I let my pen freely draw what my eyes see on the shape of clouds. Though, I haven't done it for a very long time now, my eyes would always stare at the beauty of the sky.

Rainy days are a bit hectic to me, now. I guess, it should have always been, if my memory is right. But I just don't like rainy weather. Though, it's true beauty can only be seen during the late evening and at night. If you're aware of the golden hour, when it's raining or about to rain, the sky turns reddish violet. Also, the smell of the air, at time, one can smell the water in the air. That's probably my way of telling whenever it's about to rain. A definite high prediction rate, sometimes. It's fun to predicting the weather with colleagues. And when my prediction suddenly comes true, even if no one's impressed by it. I feel a bit proud having a little bit of know with the weather. Hence, I tell myself, the sky speaks with me or I know the secret the sky. Or something like that. I still have a wild imagination. But not as wild as before.

Going back to the rainbow. Other it appearing right before my eyes, I noticed something else. There were no one looking at it. There was a child who pointed at it, and I guess, I heard her say with glowing wide eye, 'rainbow.' But that's it. Her playmates didn't mind it. They paid no special heed to it.

Was I unaware of their awareness? Was I too late to notice their moment of enthusiam of finding something rare, peculiar, unusual?

Or were they to preoccupied with trivialities that to them even miracles are considered trivials?

But those just a few of my thoughts back then and just now. Since my eyes were intently fording the cables of telephone and electric poles and jumping over rooftops. All I want to do at just that moment, was to look at the rainbow. Nothing else. At that moment, everything, to me, was trivial. Save for the clouds, the setting sun and that one rainbow.

Poetry #166

And can

we not

be selfish,

more or

less, sometimes?

It wouldn't

be fair

if we

always give

and be

unaware of

how ourselves.

When one

finds love,

should the

world matter

even if

it burns

for a

million years

it would

only be

a moment.

even if

it fractures,

and break

it would

hardly be

of relevance.

When one

finds love.

Nothing else

actually matters.

For the

first part,

that is.

Poetry #165

So, what

of the

fairies?

You know

those glowing

sparks,

Those little

ball of

lights

Hanging by

our heroes'

shoulders.

I don't

believe you're

blind 

They glow,

float and

spin,

The heroes

sometimes, always

notice.

They too

have souls,

right?

They're there

even when

unneeded.

And when

heroes goes

lost

They'll be

there even

unasked.

Why should

I not

bother?

Since they

never asked

care?

Since they'll

always be

there?

Don't they

too wish

appeciations,

Even just

a little

bit?

They too

know our

soul,

If you're

a bit

wondering.

So, what

of the

fairies?

Poetry #164

Here I am

again at the

edge of the

world and all

of the universe.

It's funny, you're

way over there.

And not here

by my side,

as I dreamt.

But should it

really matter now?

You're here, anyway.

I hope you

don't plan on

stopping me again.

As you did

the first time.

But this time

You won't make

me turn back.

I've really made

up my mind.

I hope you'll

be happy as

always or better.

That's all I'd

ask for now.

This is goodbye.