A Dilemma between the Captain and the First Mate

"Say, captain," the first mate suddenly spoke. He was idly sitting on the chair beside the captain's desk. He was asleep while the captain worries on with her work. "You seem to be more busy than ever."

"And you're here relaxed more compare to the rest of the crew?" the captain wanted to yell but thought otherwise. It was a summer afternoon. Everyone was either resting or patrolling. The ship was moored on the docks of an island they have just reached. Everyone was tired, after all. "There are lots of things captains do, I supposed."

"Right," the first mate said apologetically. He sighed.

"You're rudeness isn't bothering me at all, my good friend," the captain said with a slight pitch in her voice. She was a bit irritated. The first mate knew.

"Don't get me, captain," the first mate said. "I'm just feeling... lazy. That's all. Besides, while the whole crew is doing things around outside, aren't you glad I'm here keeping you company?"

She sees him more like a father and yet is he flirting?

"Nope," the first mate said. "It's lonely here, right? Inside these four walls. That's why I sometimes go out at night. To either take a breather or just find me a company."

"You're reading my mind again?" the captain said.

"I don't know. I guess, that's just how I read this situation we are in. Look at me, old as a sea dog. You're way out of my league, captain. Besides, I'm your first mate. Why would you even think of that?"

"Think of what?" the captain was getting irritated. He's reading her mind and he seemed to be brushing her off. "Why are you even here?"

"I don't know, I guess I just want company with you. Beside, there's something I'd like to talk about."

The captain rolled up her logs. Closed the books and notes she was studying and looked at the first mate.

"It isn't important, by the way."

"You should have said earlier!" The captain scolded. "Now, I'm lost with your train of thought."

She sighed as she looked at him seriously.

"What is it you want to talk about, anyway?" the captain asked.

"The thing is," the first mate sat up straight and looked at her with great seriousness. "How should I put this to words."

He paused for a bit. He was forming his own ideas. Was he a philosopher all along?

"You couldn't remember what I was when you first took me with you, captain? That's a bit harsh."

Again he read her mind. The captain blushed, she have forgotten and was ashamed.

"Tell me, captain. Do you sometime get the feeling of changing your mind when you've already set course? Or rather want to immediately leave an island we have yet to fully explore. Something like that? To put it simply, just to up and quit something you've already decided?"

"You want to leave?"

"No, nothing like that, captain. I'm sorry as I'm trying to make it a bit easier to understand for you as a child of the sea," the first mate paused for a bit and continued. "You see, captain. There was a time when I was, in love." He blushed. He didn't thought it would be that embarrassing to tell it to somebody.

"You're in love?" the captain said. "Pray tell, are you in love with me?"

"Nope," the first mate said without hesitation. The captain blushed for a bit and just went off to laughing.

She caught her breath and said, "So, what happened?"

"Nothing," the first mate said. "Before I could confess my feelings to her. I just quit. I somehow wanted nothing of it. What can you say about that?"

"So you chickened out?"

"Is that how it looked like?" the captain nodded. "She never even knew me, to begin with. We're total strangers. We may have chatted a bit and perhaps promised each other that we'll marry someday."

"That's not being total strangers. And that's not 'never knew' each other mean as well," the captain said childishly. For once, she felt she was more mature than the old sea dog. "So what happened? Why'd you suddenly left?"

"Well, I'm a sea dog. What you'd expect? To stay on the land with her? Heck, if even I had ideas of taking her with me. So I guess I just told myself, wake up and no more."

"You're breaking your promise to her?"

"I don't know. I guess, I won't love anyone else."

"Then you'll live your life as a lonely old sea dog," the captain tried to mocked the first mate. He nodded. "Will you be happy?"

"I don't know. If you're in my place, would you?" the first mate asked. "A promise you just somehow decided to break while at the same time keeping it."

"You're contradicting yourself then," the captain said.

"I guess so," the first mate said. "To begin with, I guess I wasn't in love in the first place. Just silly old childhood dreams."

It seems the problem was resolved and the captain once more opened the catalogs and books she kept. Back to work for her.

"I guess, I have to go now, captain, have a pleasant evening," the first mate said, stood and left.

"Wait, before you go," the captain said. "I want you to think about something." Something that somehow was new to her, she was doing. "What would you do now?"

The first mate stopped outside the captain's chamber.

"I don't know, perhaps I'll just keep the promise. Without love I know it will be painful. But I guess with love, it'll be most troublesome. Like a burden. I'd be going thinking of things I shouldn't be thinking. Like whether or not she have found somebody else. Would she be happy, waiting for an old sea dog like me? Will she be glad if ever I come back and I look like an old dog?"

The first mate laughed.

"But then again, captain. I might just be making it all up. There perhaps was no promises at all. Just a silly little lie just so I could have a chat with you."

Before the captain could stood and ran up to him, the first mate closed the door and disappeared. It was already night and a patrol, here and there, can be heard in a distance.

Was he teasing me, she thought. I do like talking with him from time to time.

"Come to think of it, why did he even asked for our man up there be transferred to a different position. He's a good man up there. I wonder why he asked him to be on patrol duty instead."